Rap God (Parody)

Look, I was gonna go easy on you
Not to hurt your feelings,
But how can you maintain a track for,
6 minutes
Only talking about wrapping paper.
Just,
A feeling I've got,
like this could be extremely good.
Or plain terrible.
And if it is then
You're trouble
BIG TROUBLE.

But if we are as terrible as you claim we'll be,
We're sorry, we're really, really sorry.

I'm begging to feel like a WRAP GOD, (WRAP GOD)
Sellotape, blue-tack
Put it all in a
FAT WAD, (FAT WAD)
Not just any other wrapper can join this WRAP SQUAD, (WRAP SQUAD)
They said I wrap like a robot so call me wrap bot
But for me to wrap like a computer's not ideal.
'Cause then I get crap
He just gift wraps.

All my line folds, fuck an in-tag
Here's a ruler fucking ball-sack
Origami,
Fuck your combat,
Pre-made sellotape rip, so I'm on track!
DOUBLE SIDED
Don't make me laugh,
I bet when you started,
You didn't have your plan decided!
Then it all ends up lob-sided,
Try and take on the advice provided.

Slickety hibberdy gibberdy shit flop,
You don't really wanna get into a rapping match with this
WRAPPIDY CHIP
Packing a tag with a bag
That the tag actually matches
So I brag and you wave white flag
Shape of your present ain't half bad,
But no structure?
It'll all sag.
Yeah I'm liable to wrap a
Motherfucking bicycle over
The back of a couple a rappers
That can't wrap a
Motherfucking box.

Show off...

I'm in tip top shape,
Made a ribbon in a floral shape
How could I not know they're
Coming back round
Feel my wrap for the tap
Wrap isn't having a rough time this time
Of year,
So let me be crystal clear!
Imma be the only wrapper Tupac gifts,
Small or biggie
YEAH

I'm begging to feel like a WRAP GOD, (WRAP GOD)
Sellotape, blue-tack
Put it all in a
FAT WAD, (FAT WAD)
Not just any other wrapper can join this WRAP SQUAD, (WRAP SQUAD)
And you really get utensils from this wrap box (WRAP BOX)
Everybody want the key or the secret to wrap or
Immortality like I have got.

I didn't always like throwing paper
'Cause it was a rip off
Get it?
RIP OFF!
But since birth I've been cursed with this
Curse to wrap these gifts like a purse or
A nurse or a hearse,
Or any other shape you could throw at me.

I thought I should warn ya,
It's hard to smooth out a corner,
You're parents'll mourn ya when they
Find you hanging by a ribbon noose in
The corner
According to wrapping
From my mum Sally, Dianne, Karen, Martha Stewert
Gave tape for me for practicing
Taking notes of the wrap that it's locked in

It's bad enough to when they grow up, roll up
And follow my mission
To meet fat man and kill all those minions
Listening to Rocking Robin
When we walk in the mist of the north pole gates,
Packed the Detroit? Riding on a sleigh
Only one more sleigh has a big fat belly
And a beard
Show him all your pies and they're gone!
Cliché

You noobs think's all a game
'Til you're matching tags with names
Whilst you're drinking!
Tell me what the duck you are thinking
All mixed up little boy
Grandma's knickers end up in the hands of ya
Dad little boy
You're mixed up in a massive cur of tradition
Studying wrappers edition little boy.
Holy crap those guys can wrap
That's all they say little boy

Get a pay check and a hell yeah
And a sponsor from Paperchase every day
Little boy
You could say that we're making paper
ZING
Lime head like Don Draper
CHING
You're not a proper wrapper
'Cause you're cheating with a stapler
Basically boy you're never gonna
Be capable to rap it up at a speed as me
Little boy
'Cause

I'm begging to feel like a WRAP GOD, (WRAP GOD)
Sellotape, blue-tack
Put it all in a
FAT WAD, (FAT WAD)
Not just any other wrapper can join this WRAP SQUAD, (WRAP SQUAD)
And you really get utensils from this wrap box (WRAP BOX)
Bit'a turbo on your present like Los Santos (SANTOS)

Every different occasion
Wrapping invasion
Birthday, Christmas,
No persuasion
Christening of a kid
I don't even know
But I bought presents though!
And no words should be spoken
Immaculate scissor move I'm a pro my
Blades be always smoking
Look at my perfect motion

I'm at my wrapping prequel Everest
And that's devotion
I worked at Clinton cards
And never got a sales promotion
But I don't give a sheet
Now those phonies read my slogan
If I don't utilise what I do then it's gonna be
Once in a while I'll step and slide off my a
Game and now collide
When the whole world quits,
Mum and daddy won't let
Hemley's gift wrap it
Still gonna keep my tool kit just incase
One of you dumbshit rab's are hungry
Looking at me like I'm unfit

I know there was a time where once I was
KING OF THE RAP BATTLE
On my knees in the living room with
A mince pie repping bow ties
And the High-Fi
And an autobiography written by Stephen Fry
The DVD of the cable guy
Other wrappers can't touch this
I'm on the MC Hammer shit
BITCH
Wrap whatever you throw at me
I'll wrap a cuppa tea
A CAT
A GAT
A Katy B
And put it underneath the
Christmas tree

BOW SELECTA'
Never enter a girl without a ribbon
A-HA
That's a wrap on these crap jokes
GET IT? Rap on these crap jokes!
That's a crap joke
See if we get away with it
Now that it's not O Nine though.
Symmectrically-illy I'm pretty sure you
Wrapped up your balls and willy
That's not normal
Fuck being normal at
Christmas it's kinda chilly

In December when we start
Vember, caught me going rogue
Hey Stan, you remember?
I was just filling my bag with stock
And nob I'm hating legal tender
Man oh man that was a 24/7
Special on the CCTV
So Stan went straight to our boss
The very next day
Telling all kind of tall tales
Imma kill you Stan
Wrapped up in the trunk of my car
And put him in bows

Imma kill a really Silly Billy assuming
I'm abusing, what I go to do, to get it
Through to you? It's so confusing
Hey Stan thought you were the man and you
Died by the hands of the guy you're accusing
Figure skating round the freeway,
Demonstrating how to give a
Motherfucking rapper,
That was feeling like he's complicating matters
And I know the wrapping game is still debating
That one day they can say I gave up,
They'll be celebrating.
'Cause I know the way to get 'em educated
I make elevating presents
You make elevator presents.

WHAAT?!

Respect my presents other
Wrappers take anti-depressants
Mum do not come in,
Urm I'm just wanking!
There's nothing worse than being
Caught by family present wrapping
I don't know how to make gifts like that,
I don't know what bows to use
Let me know when it occurred to you that the
Bow's just like the one on your pair of shoes
I can see right now while you be confused
How many presents have I gotta show you
To prove that if you was half
As skilled as moi you could
Use a pair of scissors too

I'M A TAPE JUNKIE
GIFTS CHUNKY
AND LOOK AT THE SMOOTH
FINISH
YOURS LUMPY
SO BUMPY BUT
DON'T BE GRUMPY

Don't bully yourself I'm
Good on so many layers
In fact,
We're a million layers above you
That's why we making fun
Sprinkling glitter on these
Presents like machine guns
Your efforts lazy like a
Two and a half men rerun
The countdown has begun
But shit we're outta puns
30 Seconds to run still
We're not nearly done!

I'm begging to feel like a WRAP GOD, (WRAP GOD)
Sellotape, blue-tack
Put it all in a
FAT WAD, (FAT WAD)
Not just any other wrapper can join this WRAP SQUAD, (WRAP SQUAD)
And you really get utensils from this wrap box (WRAP BOX)
You thought it was something good but it was just socks (JUST SOCKS)

Uhh

Guess that's a wrap on this track then
Some tape
A ribbon
A bow
And a sliver and gold pen
It took six minutes to break that down?
Don't be a rap-tard
Be a KING!
Think not!
Why be a king when you can be a
Uh
You can be urm
A
Oh I don't know..