Women Lose Weight

(Album: Charango - 2002)

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

The name of this entertainment is
Women lose weight
Our first years of marriage everything was just great
But after two kids
And the weight gain factors
Fact is, now she's completely unattractive
Look, fat chicks
I don't mean to sound rude
I tell her nice, hit the gym
And don't eat so much food
But no...

"You're shallow
You need to run the course of unconditional love and so forth"

But how if desire's not there
That's just delayment
Divorces, child support, alimony payments
My unhappiness I doubt discourage
So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage
Meanwhile my secretary June, well groomed
"When you gonna leave your wife?"
I tell her soon, mommy, soon, I assume
Or my destiny is blue
Interestingly
The only thing left for me to do is to kill her

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

I'm gonna have to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send that ass right to the morgue miss

Kill her

What a surprise
Open your eyes
Woman advisor

I'm gonna have to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send that ass right to the morgue miss

My plans against or shenanigans
Kinda ran thin
Knowing nothing about poisoning
And I cant swim
Bad intentions pumping
Might as well become numb
Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong
But the catch is, do I have the nerve to dispatch this
Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick
Guess I'll have to play a dude robbing on wednesday
The day she usually goes food shopping
Anyway, long story short, hit the side of her Chrysler
Sent her clean over the divider
"You bastard!" she said as the wreck went tumbling down the hill
I thought, "She has to be dead"
Later on get a call
(from a) Lieutenant O'Rourke
(had me) leapin like a frog
We need you at the morgue
So I selfishly pursued
"Boo-hoo" there was nothing else for me to do, I had to kill her

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

C'mon y'all, you know I had to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send that ass right to the morgue miss

Kill her

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

I had to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send her ass right to the morgue miss

So you mean to tell me officer you don't have no clue who did this hit and run?
No sir we don't have no clues right now
This is terrible, what am I gonna tell the kids?
Pull yourself together, sir
I'm so broken up inside, I just can't believe this
I understand, I understand
Catch the person who did this
We're gonna try sir
Please

Screaming "Who done took my heart?" acting shooken up a lot
At the funeral, though everyone was lookin at me odd, like I did it
Like I was the reason my mate's slain, murmuring
"I heard he was displeased with her weight gain"
While my secretary, sort of a sexy blonde can't cook
All she does is order from restaurants
"All of the sex you want"
I doubt could address, clothes not washed proper and house look a mess and
Talkin to detectives that was waiting outside
How I took a long lunch break day the wife died
I darn near turned pale
And because of betrayal they indicted me, gave me an impossible bail
Good fortune to anyone admiring the rawtent
Moral of the story is
Desire is important
So watch your weight
It'll keep you mate smitten it's a given
Though looking back I realised I didn't have to kill her

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

I didn't have to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send that ass right to the morgue miss

I killed her

What a surpriser
Open your eyes, a
Woman advisor

I didn't have to kill her

Course there's laws which enforces divorces

Send that ass right to the morgue miss

Well there you have it
Keep thin trim
Keep your marriage healthy
Do you know what I mean?
Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the Ruler

Peace