Mashed Potato Girl Intro

(Album: Exodus - 1995)

Another day, another dollar
Your nigga's home
Don't make me holler
Is anybody home?
Hmm, I guess not
Let's see what's on the hellavision

U like the food here?
(Yeah)
Good, huh?
(It's all right)
Try the canolli, it's fabulous
(I'm kinda full, all right)
U gonna eat that meatball there?
U, U just gonna let it...
Maybe girl made some food out here
Here, give it 2 me
U're not gonna eat it
(At least not now)
Mmm, let's see what I can get up here 2 grease on
Mmm, yeah
Best meatball in the city
What are you doing there?
Hmm, this might work
(Give it 2 me, I'll eat it)
Lemme see, mmm
So tell me, U like broads?
(They're all right, I...)
Yep
Boy, have I got a broad story 4 U
Yeah, some corn, yeah
(Jesus)
Let's see, uh
I'm on a date with this broad, right?
Lets' see, stove top directions, uh
I bring her here
(Here?)
Yeah, right here
I thought I'd put some food in her belly
Empty contents into small sauce pan, hmm
U know, get a little curve in her slope
U know what I'm sayin'?
(Slope?)
Right...
Now let me go see if I can find one of these muthafuckers, hmm
(Oh, gosh)
So I'm like "Go ahead toots, order what you like, it's on me"
Make her think I'm a big shot, U know
I said "So order, order something 4 me 2
I'm gonna run 2 the little boys room
Hmm, shit, that definitely ain't no sauce pan
I gotta burp the baby
Mmm, that ain't no sauce pan
U know what I'm sayin'?"
I figured she'd order me something light
Let me see if I can find this shit
Like a couple of salads or something
Boy, was that a mistake
(Why?)
I comes back from the bathroom
All right, got it, got it
I'm sitting there
Ah, that's cool
Waiting 4 the food
Now, if I can just get this corn open
This broad ordered the whole left side of the menu!
OK, let's see
Said she just wanted 2 nibble
Where's the damn can opener? Shit!
Nibble my ass
I'll open this muthafucker
I'm hungry!
This broad ate every fucking thing except the silverware
Shit ain't opening
(Come on)
I kid you not
[*Phone rings*]
Shit's gonna open now
I mean, she was a little on the thick side 2 begin with
All right, I got it, mmm hmm
U know what I mean?
But I figured she'd have the decency 2 pig out when she got home
Talk


(Hey brother, what's up?)
Not here, right?
(Right)
I mean U, U ever had a broad do that?
Ain't nothing but a wang
(No, not really)
Fucking pisses you off, am I right?
My girl's gone somewhere
Right, so I reaches over
I... I'm just cooking
I took the fucking mashed potatoes and I threw 'em all over that broad
Hey, hey, what's this?
(Now wait a minute)
That ain't all though, check this out
Hmm, let me call you back
(What?)
The waiter sees what just happened
What the...
He's gonna be Mr. Macho, right
He comes over and says
"What you do that 4?"
"I'm sick of the changes you put me through?"
(And you said?)
I said "What the fuck business is it of yours?
I'm paying 4 these fucking potatoes
"All you think about is music?"
I'll do what the fuck I wanna do with'em!
Now bring me a fucking finger bowl!"
"I'm leaving your NBA no balling ass?"
(What happened?)
What happened?
I'll tell you what happened
Ain't that a bitch?
Here, gimme some of that meatball
(Hey, hey, I was gonna eat that)
This punk waiter, he think he's the hero type, right
Punk
He throws the finger bowl on my head
I kid you not
I'm sitting there, head soaking wet
Mashed potatoes in my finger nails
And this broad's cracking up
(Ha ha ha ha)
I kid you not
She's rolling on the carpet, people...
Gimme some water there
(Hey, hey, get...)
People leaving the restaurant
She's laughing so hard potatoes are flying off her head
(U got mad?)
Damn right I was mad!
I said, "Very funny"
(Well, it is kinda funny)
And I left her fucking ass right there
Rolling in those fucking mashed potatoes
And I left this joint without paying a dime
(Well, what are you eating here now 4 I mean?)
That's the killer!
I was so mad I bought this joint
(But the girl...)
Fucking right
(What happened 2 her, man?)
That's her over there, working the fucking cash register
(Naw, her?)
U gonna eat this?
(That's the mashed potato girl?)
Here, gimme this bread
(She's, she's great, what do you mean?)
Is this the best bread in the city or what?
What the fuck's your problem?
(Look at her, she's, she's gorgeous)
U eat like a fucking parakeet
(What...)
I'm still hungry
U hungry?
(Naw, naw)
Naw, U not hungry
U want some bird seed or somethin'?
Look here, order me somethin'!
(Man, shut up now)
I'm gonna run 2 the little boys room