Courtship Of The Mermaid

(Album: Cool Patrol - 2018)

Once upon a morning dawn
Ninja Brian and I happened upon a gold pond
In a forest enchanted where we both gazed upon
A bold sight so fair, see there
Beneath the blue waterfall, a mermaid was swimming
And my heart enthralled, became lost
In the beautiful lines of her face
Her every lithe movement was exquisite grace

I trembled in silence at the love of my life
Such a delicate moment, I must play this just right

"Hey, do you like pizza?" I screamed loud as shit
Then I grabbed a whole pizza, threw the fuck out of it
It soared through the air like some pizza-ass doves
Now marvel and witness the glory of love

Here comes the pizza

The mermaid looked off with her hair in the breeze
For she'd noticed not my love letter of cheese
I don't see how I may get her soul to listen
Like sunlight she shines, like crystals she glistens
I need to dream an ingenious new scheme
So this angel shall open her heart to me

"More pizza, Brian!" with onions and ham too
Now coat me in pizza and throw me, goddamn you
As choirs of angels sing out to the sky
In cheese crust of passion my true love shall fly

Ah, my legs
God, they're definitely broken
Oh no, a handsome merman has just appeared
He's brought the mermaid filet mignon, Brian
That's a clearly superior dish
Now they're boning, wow, that was fast
Hold on, I'm gonna try to hop over and tell her I love her
Ah!
Can one of you angels fly me to a hospital please?
No? Cool
Fuck you guys