Two Ton Paperweight

(Album: We Couldn't Think Of A Title! - 2003)

My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
I wanna drive you off a cliff
Watch you crash into a ravine
For the things you did to me, you...

STUPID CAR!
I wanna make myself a pipe bomb
Blow your damn engine back to hell
Where I know you're from.

PIECE OF CRAP!
You aren't even worth the tow
To a junkyard or a place
Where you'd sit and lay to waste, I...

WISH YOU'D DIE!
Oh nevermind, you always do.
Could you tell me how much longer it will be
Until I'm rid of you?

I wish that you'd just get hit by lightning (or something)
My confidence in you is sold with every part I buy
I guess I'm just a sucker with a lemon
So pucker up and kiss another paycheck goodbye!

You leak more than a newborn baby
I change you oil all the time but STILL you need some more
Your fluid puddles come in assorted colors
Such wonderful variety of problems galore

Will there be a time
Where I know I can drive
Without my car breaking down?

And will I ever see
It start consistently
Without the pain and the suffering?

Stupid fucking car, stupid fucking car (DIE!)
Stupid fucking car, stupid fucking car (DIE!)
Stupid fucking car, stupid fucking car (DIE!)

My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
I ought to give you a swift kick
In the muffler, in the tire
Or where ever I desire you...

STUPID CAR!
You never get me very far when
You decide driving to the store is a mortal sin

PIECE OF CRAP!
I guess you want a piece of me
Since you're leaving all your pieces
In the middle of the street

You HEAP OF JUNK!
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I just hope that I don't have to take another day of driving you

I swear you must be older than my grandma (and she's dead)
The fact you run at all is quite a mystery to me
Your miles are approaching seven digits
May God have mercy on the soul that's holding the key

I'm guess I'm just a little angry
But for some reason, getting stranded kinda chaps my hide.
You probably think I'm slightly overreacting
Has your car ever made you think about suicide?

Will there be a time
Where I know I can drive
Without my car breaking down?

And will I ever see
It start consistently
Without the pain and the torment?

Will there be a time
Where I know I can drive
Without my car breaking down?

And will I ever see
It start consist...(what the?)

(Car starting) Come on...
(Car starting) Gimme a break!
(Car starts running for a moment) Ah?
(Car breaks) All right! Piece of SHIT!
(Smashing noises) DIE!
(Smashing noises) DIE!

Stupid car...