Kiss A Pig

(Album: I Have Returned - 1985)

Well, as I was driving down the road one day
I met a pickup truck come the other way
It hit a big chunk and a pig fell out on the blacktop
Well, that farmer didn't notice kept cutting the jig
So I pulled over and I caught that pig
Threw him in my car and did a u-turn right in front of a highway cop
He flashed his lights and pulled me over to the side
By the time he finished reading me my rights
That farmer was long gone
Didn't have his license or his name
So I asked the officer, what'll I do
He said why don't you take that pig to the zoo?
And I did, you know we had so much fun I'mma take him to a ball game

Kiss a pig, hug a swine
Some of them are good friends of mine
I'm 'specially prone to those Poland china porkers
More fun than a dog and smarter than horse
And you might find them a little course
But shoot, they ain't near as rude as some new yorkers

Now that pig was a sight riding in my car
Wearing a baseball cap, eating candy bars
Folk's would ask him his name and he'd say OINK and they'd say howdy
Ya everybody knew he lived at my home and
I guess that's how he came to be known
As Oink Stevens ugliest man in Davidson County

Well, here while back things got real bad
You know we almost lost everything we had
Old Oink lost a ham we had to build him a little peg leg
But as good as that pig had been to us
Heck we didn't have the heart to eat him all at once
You know there's some things more important in life than sausage

Kiss a pig hug a swine
Some of them are good friends of mine
Yorkshires and big ole red dew rockers
More fun than a dog and smarter than horse
And you might find them a little course
But huh, they ain't near as strange as some of them punk rockers

Well, here while back I'm sad to say
In the middle of the night old oink limped away
He must have overheard us talking about the coming recession
Yeah, he was my buddy and he was my friend
He was my breakfast every now and then
And he never done me no wrong or gave me indegestion

Kiss a pig hug a swine
Some of them are good friends of mine
I'm 'specially prone to them hamshire porkers
More fun than a dog and smarter than horse
And you might find them a little course
But shoot, they ain't near as rude as some new yorkers