Gourmet Restaurant

(Album: Crackin' Up! - 1987)

Well I went to the Chez Paris
The food was good there I'd been told
They said I should try some of that there Vichyssoise
But when they brought it, it was cold.
I said, "Don't you just have some tomater soup?"
And he said, "The gazpacho is awfully nice"
I said, "Well bring me a big bowl of that."
And he did and dad blame if it wasn't cold as ice!

[Chorus:]
Oh you can have those high priced gourmet restaurants
yeah the waiters act snooty and walk kind of fruity and they won't bring you what you want!
Well, I like greens, and cornbread and beans, and a big ol' glass of iced tea.
I tell ya friends, those gourmet restaurants ain't for me!

Well a few months later some friends insisted we try out the Chateau Larieux.
After waiting an hour and a half we finally sat down, and heck, I couldn't even read the menu!
So I asked the waiter, "How's the beef?"
He said "Ze steak tartar is ze best you ever had."
But when he brought it, friends I though I'd seen rare meat
But this wasn't even hurt real bad!

A couple band-aids and that boy'd been back out there grazing!

Well, I just couldn't eat that steak tartar, I was confused in every way.
I wasn't even too sure about the soup du jour, I hear they change that every day!
And then the waiter said, "Monsieur, I have frogs legs that are guaranteed to please."
I said, "Well, hooray boy, hop on back there in the kitchen and bring me a grilled cheese!"

[Chorus]

Well they said I ought to at least try out some of their wonderful desserts.
I hadn't been able to eat anything else, so I figured, heck, what could it hurt.
I thought I'd like a little ice cream, and the waiter said if that was my desire
"Ze Cherries Jubilee is magnifique."
But when he brought it, heck, it was still on fire!

And I jumped up and throwed a bowl of that cold potater soup on it before it could set off the sprinkler system;
probably saved 'em from a major fire, but did they appreciate it?
Nooo! Asked me not to never come back. No need to worry about that!

[Chorus]

They said the food at that place was fit for a king, and they were right...here King, here boy..

Heh heh, beef tournedos, now what's that? Steak that's been run over by an Oldsmobile?

Now I can understand chocolate eggs, and chocolate bunny rabbits,
But a chocolate moose? Ain't never gonna catch on...