Power Tools

(Album: #1 With A Bullet - 1989)

Well, some folks say that grown-up men are still just little boys
But really, the only difference, is the price of our toys
We go from macho symbols, like guns and running shoes
Pickup truck, hunting ducks, and (Vroom!) Power Tools!

[Chorus:]
Power Tools (Power Tools)
Power Tools (Power Tools)
Yeah, just plug 'em in the wall and think of all you can do!
You can plant a garden, fix your car
Build a house, if you want to
If you got the proper power tools (Power Tools)

[Spoken:]
Hello, Emergency Room?
Yeah, I just fired up my new gas-powered weed whacker there
And somehow or another it got caught in the hammer loop of my Big Smith overalls
Yeah, before I could get her set down she plumb screwed me about three foot in the front lawn there!
Yeah, my wife hollered out the front door, "Hey, Shorty! While you're down there how 'bout checking the fescue for aiphids"
Huh! She's a real comedienne, that woman! Hardy Har Har!

Well, some folks say that macho men use tools to compensate
For a decline in virility, now I thought about that and wait!
There may be some validity in what those people say
But in my case it's the only way I get to go outside and play!
(Udden Udden! Vroom!) Boy I love this stuff!

[Chorus]

[Spoken:]
Hello, 911?
Yeah, I was just in the garden there trying out my new direct-drive rototiller
When the rawhide lace from my Red Goose work show somehow or another got tangled in that outboard tiller tie
Yeah, before I could get her shut down she plumb drug me clean across the lawn up underneath the neighbor's Toyota 4X4!
Wife hollered our the door, "Hey, Shorty!" Funny how a name will stick with you like that.
"Hey, Shorty, if you're gonna play Mr. Goodwrench looks like you'd fix our old jalopy first!"
I tell you that woman's a regular Rosanne Barr.

Well 911 rescued me, carried me away
To the local hospital, for at least a two week stay
The doctor said, "I hope you've learned your lesson, thanks to power tools you're nearly dead!"
I didn't hear a word he said, I was playing with my power bed!
(Whirrrr)

Power Tools (Power Tools)
Power Tools (Power Tools)

[Spoken:]
Hello, nurse's station?
Could you send someone to room 403? Quick!
Yeah, my power bed's stuck in the up position, I'm folding up in here like a big taco!
Ow! Owwww!

Yeah, if you got the proper power tools!

[Spoken:]
Hello, honey? Don't be alarmed, just quietly evacuate the neighborhood and call the bomb squad!