Gas

(Album: Ain't Nothin' Funny Anymore - 2021)

You know, a lot of folks have suggested I do a song about gas, so I cut one

At a recent rare press conference in the White House rose garden
A reporter was heard to ask Mr. President "what's your biggest problem?"
With a furrowed brow he turned to the camera and solemnly started to speak
He said, I've tried to contain the situation but we seem to have a leak
Then his eyes glazed over and through the haze, he said, I don't want to be crass
And I see you've gotten wind of the problem even though you're wearing masks
But it had to slip out sooner or later and the aftermath will surely linger
So all I can say is take a deep breath, strike a match, and pull my finger

My fellow Americans the problem is (Gas)
We need to clear the air (Gas)
As you know I've decreased production (Gas)
It's a problem everywhere (Gas)
It's a weapon of mass destruction (Gas)
It's a stinky situation (Gas)
Will leave a stain on my whole administration (Gas)
How did I ever lose control (Gas)
Wuh oh, here we go, fire in the hole

Well, something sure smells about this situation
And congress won't allow any drilling
I even raised a stink at the United Nations
I said somewhere there's got to be a villain
Cause I smell a rat behind it all
But we'll smoke him out sure as shooting
It's anybody's guess, but I must confess
That all the evidence is pointing to Putin

(Gas)
I don't want to be a demagogue (Gas)
But I think you will agree (Gas)
Somebody's got to cut through the fog (Gas)
It's a national emergency (Gas)
It's a stinky situation (Gas)
Will leave a stain on my whole administration (Gas)
How did I ever lose control (Gas)
Uh oh, here we go, fire in the hole

(Gas)
Where you going? (Gas)
Hold on I'm not through yet (Gas)
The roses are starting to turn brown (Gas)
Well, alright just go on out there (Gas)
Leave me alone (Gas)
First Lady, what's for dinner tonight?
Oh no, not beans again

(Gas)