Colored Dreams / Killers Pt. 2

(Album: There You Have It - 2017)

Yeah
Mama I just killed a man, body is still trembling, can you feel my hands?
Don't shed no tears mama
Look, I said, "Mama I just killed a man. Body is still trembling, can you feel my hands?
Don't shed no tears mama

Man convicted in the shooting death of the Milwaukee teenager will be behind walls until he's at least eighty years old

Police said: DeMario Denell Jackson shot into a crowd during a fight and killed a fourteen year old. Our Jonah Kaplan reports from court

The court on count 1 is going to impose a life sentence in the Wisconsin state prison system with eligibility to apply for extended supervision in 56 years

Yeah
I guess I just gotta chill for twenty years
'Til the judge say that it's okay to come out
I need an escape and a way to run out
People say that they love you but you ain't breaking me out
I'll probably die up in this motherfucker, shit
I've accepted that and now I'm finding peace, uh
Long nights I've been tryna sleep
But I can't, so let me write you this apology, this for your girl:
Look, I'm sorry, mama
I put a bullet in 'em, I took your heart from you
I killed your man and now you're forced to be apart from him
You daughter walking, who gon' catch her when she start runnin'?
I was only nineteen, doing foolish things for colors
Your tears in the courtroom, I can tell you loved him
I thought I was being gangster when I took his life
Now I can barely sleep through a night
I get it now, fuck these colored dreams, shit
I get it now, fuck these colored dreams
Fuck these colored dreams
Fuck these colored dreams, shit

I guess I just gotta chill for twenty years
Shit, might as well apologize for the rest
And to my brother I claimed I love you more than the rest
If I really loved you how come I guided you to your death?
You was only twelve when I got locked up
Pops shook, no role models so the block looks like the only option
Should have made you put them Glocks down
But instead I showed you how to get it popping
And you took to it, nah you was never shook to it
Even if trouble wasn't around, you would look to it
Throwing up set, you let them know you wasn't no bitch 'til you run into multiple crips
You let them niggas know you'll be down for your niggas
Thinking in your head, "Big bro' will be proud of a nigga"
I hate to have to be the way for you to go
What's even worse, I couldn't make it to your funeral
Fuck them colored dreams
Shit, fuck these colored dreams
Fuck them colored dreams

Look, mama, I know I killed that man
Still remember trembling when you felt my hand
Don't shed no tears mama, uh
I know I won't be home for years, mama
I know you feel like a failure to all your peers, mama
You been a blessing to me
I been a curse since birth to you, made shit worse for you
They let me out this second, I wouldn't even search for ya
Shit, it only make it harder
You care so much that you would kill for me
I get your letters and I wonder how you still love me
You say you pray every night and you still feel for me
Shit and if you could I know you probably would do this bit for me, shit
So what's it been the last time I speak to you
I want you to know I love you with everything in me
It's insane to me, you share DNA with me
We polar opposites
I know I failed you mama, wish I could be your accomplishment
So as I stand on this chair writing this letter
Noose around my neck, the only way I do better is if I leave you now
'Cause you been beaten down from them other things
I ain't give you shit a mother brings, I get it now
Fuck these
[*choking*]