The Jesus Stag Night Club

(Album: The Pleasures Of Self Destruction - 2011)

Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady
Bloody thorns 'round his ears like he was a crazy
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine
Crushed a berry in his perrier and called it wine

He said, "there's great sadness in life, but don't sit there and blub
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus stag night club!"

I can't remember where I was last night
Think I was hanging naked off a church spire
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane
Felt like I was Jesus on fire
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck
I begged my dad [?] to take me to a strip bar
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs
Drove myself home in a stolen car

Turn a bird upside down and it lies in your fingers like a dead man
When you throw it in the air it's resurrected from your hand
We went to a motel, he showed me his bible
I said, "tell me the truth," while he looked me in the eyeball

He said, "there's great happiness in life but don't just sit there in love:
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus stag night club!"

I can't remember where I was last night
Think I was getting on a night bus
Lying on the laps of my good friends
Judas priest and lazarus
I'm getting married in the big bad morning
But it feels like I'm giving birth
I feel so happy I could scream
"This is my last few seconds on earth"

Saw a man in the street lying on the floor beaten up
He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow m coffee cup
I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up
But when I turned around I could see... it was Jesus...

I can't remember where I was last night
Think I was hanging on a church spire
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane
Felt like I was Jesus on fire
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck
I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs
Drove myself home in a stolen car

I can't remember where I was last night
Think I was getting on a night bus
Lying on the laps of my good friends
Judas priest and lazarus
I'm getting married in the big bad morning
But it feels like I'm giving birth
I feel so happy I could scream
"This is my last few seconds on earth!"