The 80's

(Album: Rudebox - 2006)

I smoked Consulates and Park Drive
Drank Nookie Brown, learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my breath from my Mum
Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun
Did a little speed if my friend had some
Nicked Volkswagen badges, I'm a Beastie Boys son
Me so horny, me so young
And I still get my washing done
Auntie Jo died of cancer
God didn't have an answer
Rhythm was a dancer
Any room for a chancer?
That's me in the corner, thanks, sir
Wore a Troop track suit, British Knight shoes
Kangol hat like L.L. Cools
Before I was having it, having it large
They nicked the B.M.X. from out my garage
Knew it was Tier from off the estate
'Cause every time he'd see me he'd smile like we were mates
Then on in, I'd have to walk to me Nan's
And I'll dream my dreams through a sea of prams
Like a hooligan on the football stands
And I'd throw the Vs to Leeds and West Ham
And then I ran, I ran so far away
Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay
Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay
Young Muslim didn't get his fare that day
I apologise today

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80s broke my heart

And who are you calling 'poof'?
You like Wham!, man
I hate that stuff
And then my Granddad died
And left a hole in the family
And lots of women had to nanny me
School was a laugh, they didn't have A.D.D
"Thick" was the term they used for me
Over and over, repeatedly, over and over
Take my breath away
Pass the bidley bidley bidley bidley bong
Pass it on the left-hand side
Right turn, Clyde
That girl in the fourth year got pregnant
She was raised Catholic, brilliant
I cried, she cried, we cried
Her youth died
Drank cider in the cemetery
The year above us had discovered 'E'
And I said it weren't for me
Twelve pounds fifty
I could rob me mum's purse and buy one off Chalky
Met a girl on Monday
Drank fizzy pop on Tuesday
Fingered her on Wednesday
And on Thursday and Friday
And on Saturday
Dumped by Sunday

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80s broke my heart
The wonder years I've played my part
That's how the 80s broke my heart

Like I said
I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie
Well, she said she fancied me
And then she said, "Fuck me," and I thought, "Fuck me."
I'm all talk and it'll be over too quickly
And it was but I couldn't care less
I'd seen a girl's part, made a mess on her dress
Oh yes, you're now rocking with the best
Second person in my year that had seen a breast
I'm in my 30s now and I'm still impressed
Why the Falklands Mum, and what have they done?
Where do girls come from, where do girls come from, where do girls come from?
It's the 80s, what you looking at, you mong?
So young, so long, so young, so long
Too short, so long
What you looking at, you mong?
Too short, so long, too short, so long
So long