The Stocking Song

So you say you like candy canes
All the ladies do
Candy canes were meant for sucking
So don't you think about trying to chew

How about a little eggnog
I got a homemade recipe
You're gonna get love-drunk on my eggnog
Even though it's alcohol-free

I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
Gonna fill it up nice and tight
Gonna feel so good when I slide my gifts into it tonight
I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
Gonna fill it up with all I got
Nick nacks and candies gonna hit your stocking G-spot

I know you like your toys, girl
I got toys to fulfill your needs
The kind that only use double D batteries
And run at variable speeds

Gonna stuff it with an iPhone
All I ask is some tit for tat
If you could memorize the Kama Sutra
Heck, they probably make an app for that!

Baby

I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
Gonna fill it to the tippy top
Gonna take it all out then stuff it back in...
Take it all out... stuff it back in
You're never gonna want me to stop
I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
With holiday love and romance
I just hope that Santa doesn't stuff it before I get the chance