Such A Twat

(Album: A Grand Don't Come For Free - 2004)

Yeah, safe, man, you okay?
Just calling to ensure you got back in
Hope you coped yesterday
'Cause I felt well damn grim
But yeah, in the air on the plane
My stomach was turning
Man, I was hanging head-to-stead on the headrest in pain
Prayed away all my bad sins
Lost count of the plane chardonnays
Before the fourth or maybe the fifth
In future, I need to abstain
If only I'd had a bit of discipline
But worth every bit of spare change
Pure clowning down to the last drink
Hang on, let me slam the door, mate
Just pause that thought for a bit

Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

I've been pacing the place
Well paralysed since I got back in with my bags though
Yeah, I'm too aware that last night was way mad slack, I know
Carried in a gang I lost sight of Simone on her own back at home
Distracted from the fact it weren't right
Couldn't raise up the hand to know
Simone was moaning and that
About me playing away on this holiday
She was watching the box at her dad's house
There, preparing spliffs away
As I'm smacking glasses down at George Best's best session rate
Er, can you hear me?
Nah, sorry mate, you're fuzzy, man (Fucking hell)
I can't hear you

Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

Soz, I lost you for a minute
Yeah, yeah, I can hear you now
See, I mean that's the true thing though
I suppose I chose myself to allow
I was weak and stupid
But as far as I viewed, anyhow
She couldn't have been it for me
The only girl I'd ever go out with
I didn't want to waste my youth in a girl's house
To the sound of spliffs
And when she got in a mood with me
In that text about that thing
I just switched off the phone
When she started shouting
Coming to a conclusion
I couldn't be bothered with anymore rowing

Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

Nah, nah, nah
And them after-shots made me lose the plot
It all got a bit bizarre
And that incident with the ice-cream
I forgot, it all ended in our vodka
What I can remember is a blotch
I got a fat bruise on my arm
She weren't even much too hot
But she totally mugged me up like 'rah'
She knew exactly what she was doing
And it all went a bit too far
She was with that bloke in the white top
In McDonald's car park
And then she let me chat her up
Later on in that lovely little bar
Hello? Ah, fucking phones, man!

Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat

Yeah, I think we got cut off
Yeah, I got crap reception in my house
I have to stand in a certain spot in my kitchen or it cuts out
Yeah, you know I was potty to even let myself allow it
I would if I could just swap what happened then for right now
And if she ever found out how far it got
It'd be more than just a row
This whole thing just got on top
But it's her that I want, no doubt
So in a way it's helped me doing wrong
I know I've fucked up now
This is where that dodgy shit stops
She's just gotta not find out

Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat
Why did I have to go
And do a stupid thing like that?
'Cause yeah, it felt like we were through though
But I could've ruined it, I'm such a twat