Gee, Officer Krupke

(Album: West Side Story - 1961)

[Mouthpiece:]
Oh, look at ya's, ya feckless frigging disappointments
Now gimme one good reason I shouldn't throw the book atcha

[Diesel:]
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
You gotta understand
It's just our bringing up-ke
That gets us out of hand
([Big Deal:] Our mothers all are junkies)
([A-Rab:] Our fathers all are drunks)
Golly Moses, naturally we're punks!

[Diesel:]
Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents
We're misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good!

[A-Rab:]
There is good!

[Jets:]
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good!
Like inside, the worst of us is good!

[Mouthpiece:]
Aw, that's a touching good story
([Diesel:] Lemme tell it to the world!)
Just tell it to the judge

[Diesel:]
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leaping lizards! That's why I'm so bad!

[Balkan:]
Right!
Officer Krupke, you're really a square
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed!

[Diesel:]
I'm disturbed!

[Jets:]
We're disturbed, we're disturbed
We're the most disturbed
Like we're psychologically disturbed

[Balkan:]
Hear ye, hear ye! In the opinion of this court, the boy is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home

[Diesel:]
Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived

[Balkan:]
So take this nut to a headshrinker

[Mouthpiece:]
Oh, why not?

[Diesel:]
My father is a bastard
My ma's an S.O.B
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

[A-Rab:]
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job
Society's played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he's sick!

[Diesel:]
I am sick!

[Jets:]
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick, sick, sick
Like we're sociologically sick!

[A-Rab:]
In my professional opinion, what we got here is a run-of-the-mill juvenile delinquent
And juvenile delinquency is a social disease!

[Balkan:]
Ew, Diesel, you got a social disease?

[A-Rab:]
Bring him to a social worker!

[Mouthpiece:]
Wait, can I catch it by touching him?

[Diesel:]
Dear...

[Baby John:]
Kindly social worker
They say go earn a buck
Like be a soda jerker
Which means I'd be a schmuck
It's not I'm anti-social
I'm only anti-work

[Jets:]
Gloriosky! That's why I'm a jerk!

[Big Deal:]
Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood
Deep down inside him, he's no good!

[Baby John:]
I'm no good!

[Jets:]
We're no good, we're no good!
We're no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good!

[Mouthpiece:]
The trouble is he's crazy

[Balkan:]
The trouble is he drinks

[A-Rab:]
The trouble is he's lazy

[Big Deal:]
The trouble is he stinks

[Snowboy:]
The trouble is he's growing

[Baby John:]
The trouble is he's grown

[Jets:]
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke
We're down on our knees
([Diesel:] 'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease)
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke
Krup you!