Aperture

(Album: The Weight And The Cost - 2020)

I've been afraid to admit
How dark of a place that I have been in
I'm hopelessly lost while trying to mend
Red eyes now face the wind
Words scribbled on a page reflect the state that I have been in
An imbalance of faith and serotonin

Here I am, like before
Anxious and insecure
Something has felt wrong
Inside of me since the day I was born
Here I am, like before
I'll try to find a way but I'm afraid there might not be a cure
I hope I'm wrong
But I'm scared that you'll hate me for it when one day I'm gone

I've adjusted the lens
The aperture is slowly letting the light in again
But the comforting sense lacks permanence
So please grow up self assured
And never hide who you are my beautiful girl
As I drift further away from the shore
Without an oar or an anchor

Here I am, like before
Anxious and insecure
Something has felt wrong
Inside of me since the day I was born
Here I am, like before
I'll try to find a way but I'm afraid there might not be a cure
I hope I'm wrong
But I'm scared that you'll hate me for it when one day I'm gone

I've lived my life paralyzed by the questions
That I'm too scared to ask
What you see is a mask
'Cause I am still haunted by things in my past
It breaks my heart that it makes you so sad
How long with this feeling last?
I'm awake
I'm lying here all by myself with thoughts I can't escape

Here I am, like before
Anxious and insecure
Something has felt wrong
Inside of me since the day I was born
Here I am, like before
I'll try to find a way but I'm afraid there might not be a cure
I hope I'm wrong
But I'm scared that you'll hate me for it when one day I'm gone