Bon Vivant

I had a dear old guardian
And he had ways Edwardian
A tea every day, if he burped he would say
Oh I beg your pardion to me

Now I've obtained seniority
And come to my majority
I've traveled far
Tasted snails, caviar
So with some authority I say

If you want a Bon Vivant to brighten up the scene
Or a jolly extra man to give the party sheen
Strolling on the Parthenon, or bowling on the green
I play mandolin 'n tambourine
Will travel

If you want a Bon Vivant who only aims to please
Punting on the Hellesponts for at my lady's tease
Tickling her fancies
And her risibilities
Just drop a note to me
My services are free
For I'm the Bon Vivant you want

All around the ante room
The butler chased the maid
Out the door and down the path
And through the leafy glade
Using my binoculars, I followed the parade
While the soup was getting cold
He still perused her
Though his eel persistent, still his efforts went for not
She opened up an early leave
And never would be caught
When the race was over, and seeing her distraught
I took her in my arms
Allaying her alarms
Saying I'm the Bon vivant you want

Now for the life men dream about
Days that a king might scheme about
Once I have got my palatial yacht
I shall slowly steam about the brine

Fie on the word 'economy'
I'll live a life of bonhomie
Sail into port for a life pour le sport
Full of rare gastronomy and wine

Visiting my auntie boo in tiny liechtenstein
Strolling through ze meadowlands amongst ze lowing kine
Flirting mit ze milking maid mit cheeks of apple shine
Strolling up the timber line und sheeing
Dueling the Hapsburgs ah ze carefree days zey vere
Yust before the chancellor positioned up ze Ruhr
Drinking beer at Heidelberg and holding hands with her
My consort is the maid, who made the butler fade
So if you need a pair for your piét de tierre
Just drop a note to me and for a modest fee
I'll be the bon vivant you want