The Darktown Poker Club

Bill Jackson was a poor old dub
And he joined the Darktown Poker Club
And he cursed the day he ever said he'd join
His money'd go like it had wings
When he had Queen, someone had King
And each night he'd contribute all his coins
He said, "I'll play 'em tight tonight
No bobtail flush gonna make me bite
And when I go in, buddy, my hand'll be a peach"
Well, he played 'em tight, but he lost his pile
And old Bill got peevish after a while
And he rose, looked all around, and made this speech:

Now, you see this brand new razor? I had it sharpened just today
And I'm gonna tell you some brand new rules that you gonna follow when you play
Keep your hands above the table when you're dealing, please
Don't be sticking none of them aces down there between your knees
Don't go making them funny signs like you trying to tip off your hand
You just keep talking in American, sonny boy, so old Bill can understand
Don't be dealing off the bottom of the deck, 'cause ooh, boy, that's rough
And remember, in poker, friends, you get five, that's enough
When you bet, put up them chips, 'cause I don't like it when you shy
When you're broke, go out and get some, 'cause I'm gonna be here by and by
You pass them cards for old Bill to cut every time before you deal
And then if there's anything wrong, I'm gonna see
Now you ain't gon' play this game according to Mr. Hoyle, friend
You're gon' play this game according to me

Now sitting right there in that little clan
There chanced to be a one-eyed man
Old Bill kept on watching him out of the corner of his eye
If this one-eyed man'd deal 'em then
He'd lose old Bill another five or ten
And Bill rose, and looked around, and with a sigh
He said, "Lord, it's an awful shame
But there's somebody cheating in this here game
Now, of course, it ain't gon' do for me to name the guy
So I'll refrain from mentioning the party's name
But if I catch him cheating just once again
I'm gonna take my fist and close that other eye"

You see this brand new razor? I had it sharpened just today
And I'm gonna pass out some brand new rules you'll follow when you play
Keep them bony fingers on the table when you're dealing, please
Don't be sticking none of them aces down there between your knees
Don't be making none of them funny signs like you trying to tip off your hand
You just keep talking in American, big A-A-A, and then I'll understand
Don't be dealing off the bottom of the deck, friend, 'cause ooh, that's rough
And remember, friend, five cards, oh, that's enough
When you bet, put up them chips, 'cause I don't like it when you shy
When you're broke, go out and get some dough, I'm gonna be here by and by
You pass them cards for me to cut every time before you deal
And then if there's anything wrong, good neighbor, I'm gonna see
Now you ain't gonna play this game according to Hoyle
You gonna play this game according to me

Floyd, if you pass that new deck of bicyles, we'll go on from here