I Don't Want To Be Here

I don't wanna be here right now
I don't wanna be here right now
I don't wanna be here right now

Yeah
They said the thoughts would get better with time
Said that I would try to change and I meant it, but I
Got this cloud that follows me even when it's good
I can feel it waiting for me, creeping overhead
Looking out but I don't wanna wake you
I know I should probably take one but I take two
I been on the verge of a break or a breakthrough
I don't hear a thing lately I can relate to
And it makes you sick when you hear it, something in my spirit
Broke and I don't wanna talk about it, too embarrassed
It's been a couple years that I been dealing with the same
Trauma mixed with music and addiction with the shame
And it's toxic, not what you thought when you met me
But then I lost it, sometimes the thoughts would get messy
But now they're constant, I know it's all getting heavy
And if I drop this, I don't think that I come back
I never thought all of this thinking would develop a habit
If you expect the worst, eventually it's all gonna happen
We're supposed to be companions, not collateral damage
I know it's hard to give a heart when you've been scarred
And can't imagine life different
That's when I tell you that you'd be better off
With someone better off, not stuck in his bed with his thoughts
Sometimes it's too much to deal with
Say you wanna know how I'm feeling, but if I'm real then

I don't wanna be here right now
I don't wanna be here right now
And all that I'm feeling, too much to deal with
And I don't wanna be here right now

Write out these paragraphs to people and then I delete 'em
Trying to tell 'em that I'm lonely and that I need 'em
But you don't know what it does to me and how bad that it sucks to be alone
When you don't respond after you read 'em
I broke down and cried in front of those I care about
That never text or care to check on my whereabouts
There's no more voices in my head because I scared 'em out
We all got problems, I'm just willing to air 'em out
It's in my blood by the time that the bass hits
Feeling numb, the only way I could face shit
But I need someone to come save me
When I drown, when I drown
I don't really wanna be here, I just wanna go
I just wanna go at home after a hundred shows
I just wanna be alone so no no not right now, not right now
And I'm tired of all the shit that I'm faced with
I needed help, the devil said I could take this
Put that shit up on my tongue and I could taste it
It's lights out, it's lights out

I don't wanna be here right now
I don't wanna be here right now
And all that I'm feeling, too much to deal with
And I don't wanna be here right now