Everything Gets Better When You're Drunk

(Album: Rupert Holmes - 1975)

Started out with burgundy
A simple Montrachet vintage '53
And a simple meal
Of Marengo veal
With potatoes Lyonnaise on the side

Then my business partner broke the news
He was taking over my wife and shoes
So I drank a bit
And it made a hit
With the part of me that still hadn't died

You know that
Everything gets better when you're drunk
And most everyone becomes your long-lost friend
And say "Madam, have you any change to lend?"
'Cause everything gets better when you're drunk

I graduated down the line
Anything that passed for a pint of wine
Was a treat for me
Took it neat you see
'Cause it's California sun off the vine

Moscatel I drink a quart
Then I follow breakfast with tawny port
And it's cocktail time
But I hold the line
And a jug of kosher blueberry wine

You know that
Everything gets better when you're drunk
And the world is so in focus when it's blurred
And the reason for my tremor, spread the word
Is everything gets better when you're drunk

I bummed a buck off my old friend
He was just a little around the bend
The economy
Broke his nerve, you see
And he needs martinis under his belt

So when you crave a drink or two
Just a little something to pull you through
You're no better than
Every wino man
But at least I know you know how I felt

When I found
Everything gets better when you're drunk
And most everyone becomes your long-lost friend
And say "Madam, have you any change to lend?"
'Cause everything gets better when you're drunk