You Can't Dance

(Album: Radio - 1985)

He man, I've seen ya, think ya rocking it on the floor...
You look like a moron! Who let you in the door?
To put the question bluntly: maybe your feet's deformed
They should slap you in the teeth when you put your dancing shoes on
You can't dance!

Why don't you just nail your feet to the floor?
Homeboy, what's the use?
Anytime you wanna step inside a party
First think of an excuse
You dance like a fat old lady
Not saying that fat old ladies ain't nice
But every time you try to get one move right
The old lady done did it twice
You can't dance!

You big, no dancing, disco disaster
The worst I ever saw
They should drop kick you in the neck
And drag you off the floor
In every discotheque, I see you there
In the middle of the crowd
Looking like you got eight or nine left feet dragging all around
You can't dance!

Take my advice, don't move!
You'll never get the knack
If I danced like you, I'd sneak out the party
And wouldn't be coming back
On the floor you're a dinosaur
Yeah boy, that's how you move
You look like Ralph Kramden or a Donald Duck cartoon
You can't dance!

You wanna come to my party?
I wouldn't give you a chance
You tried to take breakdance lessons
Ended up in an ambulance
Wouldn't it be funny if they put you on Solid Gold?
You dance like you got arthritis already
What'll happen when you get old?
You can't dance!

Why are you so stiff?
Is it something that your mother did?
Maybe you grew up around "can't dance" people
When you were a "can't dance" kid
You live in a "can't dance" house
Went out in a "can't dance" car
Your doofy "can't dance" father
Got drunk in a "can't dance" bar
You take a "can't dance" bath
Put on your "can't dance" cologne
Go out to a "can't dance" party
So you wouldn't have to "can't dance" all alone
You can't dance!

Homeboy, will you please get off the floor, you moron?