I'm Bad

(Album: Bigger & Deffer - 1987)

Calling all cars, calling all cars
Be on the lookout for a tall light-skinned brother with dimples
Wearing a black Kangol, sweatsuit, gold chain, and sneakers
Last seen on Farmers Boulevard headed east
Alias L.L. Cool J. He's bad

Ah
No rapper can rap quite like I can
I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand
Not the last Mafioso, I'm a MC cop
Make you say "Go LL," and do the Wop
If you think you can out-rhyme me, yeah boy I bet
'Cause I ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet
Trendsetter, I'm better, my rhymes are good
I got a gold nameplate that says "I wish you would"
And when battles begin then I gotta join in and
Before my rhyme is over, you know I'mma win
Cool J has arrived so you better make way
Ask anybody in the crowd, they say the kid don't play
Slaughter competition, that's my hobby and job
I don't wear a disguise because I don't owe the mob
Got a pinpoint rap that makes you feel trapped
So many girls on my jock, I think my phone is tapped
I'm bad

Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J

I'm like Tyson, icing, I'm a soldier at war
I'm making sure you don't try to battle me no more
Got concrete rhymes, been rapping for ten years and
Even when I'm bragging, I'm being sincere!
MCs can't win, I make 'em rust like tin
They call me "Jaws". My hat is like a shark's fin
Because I'm bad as can be, got my voice on wax
Some brothers think he's making records, now he must have relaxed
I couldn't, I shouldn't, and it'll stay that way
The best rapper you've heard is LL Cool J
Kamikaze, take a look at what I've done
Used to rock in my basement, now I'm number one
And can happen on time, never standing on line
You wanna try me? First you better learn how to rhyme
I'm the pinnacle; that means I reign supreme
And I'm notorious; I'll crush you like a jellybean!
I'm bad

"Suspect was last spotted with three other members of his group. Bobcat, E Love and the Cut Creator. They are extremely bad, so keep your eyes open. Use extreme caution"

I eliminate punks, cut 'em up in chunks
You were souped, you heard me, and your ego shrunk
I'm devastating I'm so good it's a shame
'Cause I eat rappers like a cannibal they call me insane
I'm as strong as a bull of course you know why I pull
I enjoy what I'm doing plus I'm paid in full
Not Buckaroo Banzai, but busting out as I
Say the kind of rhymes that make MCs wish that I'd die
Never retire or put my mic on the shelf
The baddest rapper in the history of rap itself
Not bitter or mad, just proving I'm bad
You want a hit? Give me a hour plus a pen and a pad!
MCs retreat, 'cause they know I can beat 'em
And eat 'em in a battle and the ref won't cheat 'em
I'm the baddest! Taking out all rookies
So forget Oreos, eat Cool J cookies, I'm bad!

Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J, Cool J

Never ever no never
Never wearing no Levis, battle me why try?
I'll treat you like a stepchild so tell mommy "bye bye"
Slaughtering MCs and I'mma never get whipped
When I retire I'll get worshipped like a old battleship
LL I'm bad, all the rappers know
When I enter the center they say, "Yo, yo there he go!"
My paycheck's large Mr. Bogart in charge
Not a puncher or hunter from a raccoon lodge
The original Todd, teaching how to be hard
Take the skin off a snake, and split a pea from a pod
You're a novice I'm noble and I decipher my tongue
Not Attila the Hun, nor Abdullah his son
My vocal's exact, like rack and pinion in a Jag
You try to brag, you get your rhymes from a grab-bag
No good scavenger, catfish vulture
My tongue's a chisel and this composition's sculpture, I'm bad!

(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(Think I'm gonna need backup)

Gimme that walkie-talkie!
Yo this is LL Cool J
And you'll never catch me so don't even try it
'Cause I'm too bad for ya, understand?!
Ah... I'm bad!