Breaking Down

(album: Hillbilly Hustle - 2013)

I said I wonder when it'll be my day
'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down
All I've got are screams inside
But somehow they come out in a smile
And I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way

The cross is heavy, what a burden
Am I crazy, Tyler Durdin
Don't get better, seem to worsen
I don't even know this person
In the mirror I hate my sight
Two more Oxy, sleep tonight
From fun to habit, gotta have it
Alcoholic and an addict
This is tragic need some magic
I'm insane my thoughts are static
Full throttle, hit the bottle
Pride and ego, date a model
Drunk as hell, stagger wobble
Eat them pills, gobble gobble
Shake off morning panic attack
Will I find my way back?
Needle in a haystack
Someone pass the "J" back
Numb the pain, all the time
Can't believe I wrote this rhyme
It's my secret, this is mine
I'm sick of jail and doing time
On my knees, God take my life
Insanity cuts me like a knife
Ain't got the strength, to even fight
Can't take the pain, not tonight
I keep a smile, inside I crumble
Every way I turn, I stumble
I need you, but I hate you
I need some kind of breakthrough
I sit in tears can't take it now
I live in Hell I'm breaking down!

I said I wonder when it'll be my day
'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down
All I've got are screams inside
But somehow they come out in a smile
And I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way

Waking up, my blood is itching
Scared to death, who is snitchin'?
I feel like hell, look at my health
It's sad, when you can't trust yourself
I pushed my Dad, and stole from mama
Entire life is made of drama
All pretend they ain't my friends
Empty funeral if this all wins
Trapped in a maze, shit I give up
Running in place, feet are stuck
Things I've done, I'm so embarrassed
Pawned the things, that I most cherish
Search all day, for what I need
Who grow's up and dreams to be a fiend
My demeanor's mean, my eyes are green
I trade my soul, for one more bean
My friends are dying am I the sequel
After pills then comes the needle
So much stress the pills stop working
I'm always shaking my bodies hurting
Can't forget I got to mention
Anger, anxiety, some depression
Delirium tremors, I can die!
Hallucinate with open eyes
30 pack every single night
I've given up, don't even fight
I make up lies like "I'm in school"
Lying to myself, who's the fool?
Before my daughter and Mini Thin
I heard a voice say. "Jason listen
I love you son and you are missed
My name is Jesus, remember this"

Maybe you have fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you could never love you, like me
And one day, this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see your smiling face
And standing next to you, will always be me, yeah me

If you end up praying I surrender
All the pain I can't remember
Shit, my bad, it's not my fault
I do the work, I trust results
Not my co-pilot ask which seats
Not why I put these phones on beats
If Mini can do this, so can you
First to verse 2002

Tell me about those nights, you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone, than being stuck here with me
Then you're going to see things my way
You gave me so much room, that I can't breathe
Tell me about those nights, you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone, than being stuck here with me
Then you're going to see things my way
You gave me so much room, that I can't breathe