My First Time

(album: Leaked - 2016)

There was no flowers, candles
Didn't see no fireworks
He barely even knew my name
There was no pleasure, whatsoever
All I know is that it hurt me
And I wish that I could take it away
My first time

I still remember when I met him
Just turned 18, it was late '07
He would smile with a wink, my heart, it would sink
My cheeks going red, but my brain, it would think
About the women in the crowd, yelling loud when he's seen
What would a man like that want with a girl like me?
But still, I would imagine it, dinner with a candle lit
Watching cheesy movies but for me I knew he'd handle it
See, I was a virgin, friends would tease and call me Magdalene
Didn't really mind cause I was waiting for a guy
To put a ring on my finger not a hand on my thigh
Take care of my heart and not put tears in my eyes
So why did I ever put myself in that position?
Sitting back wishing that I could just take it all back
And yes, promise if I got that same call
I guarantee that I would never call back

There was no flowers, candles
Didn't see no fireworks
He barely even knew my name
There was no pleasure, whatsoever
All I know is that it hurt me
And I wish that I could take it away
My first time

And he was handsome, charming
Even met my mom, nothing really seemed alarming
My dad kinda mad said, "I don't like that cat"
I told him "you're my dad, dad. I kind of expect that"
Had a show that night and check in to the Weston
Had time before the show and planned on wasting it, texting
I was in the lobby feeling like the only brown, something like bobby
Watching all the rich folks sipping on Mondabe, he saw me
Snack and a movie, me and him, so lame, I was giggling
But I didn't really mind cause I was waiting for my guy
To put a ring on my finger, not a hand on my thigh
So why did I ever put myself in that position?
Sitting back wishing that I could just take it all back
And yes, promise if I got that same call
I guarantee that I would never call back

There was no flowers, candles
Didn't see no fireworks
He barely even knew my name
There was no pleasure, whatsoever
All I know is that it hurt me
And I wish that I could take it away
My first time

Got into the room and it was real quiet
Felt a little weird, I was no longer excited
I turned on the tv but he could only see me
Not once did he even try to find a movie
He leaned in and kissed me for the first time at last
But then I realized he was moving too fast
Forcing me down while I was gently pushing up
And then my gentle wasn't gentle cause he wasn't giving up
Grabbed my arms and my hands and held 'em on my chest
Rubbing on my navel started kissing on my neck
Tried unbuttoning my pants to get 'em off, while I tried to get him off
Fighting for my innocence and he just trying to get off
Crying inside and then my tears caught up
He took it all from me, everything that I was proud of
I laid there three hours, numb to the change
Didn't even have the decency to look me in my face

And when I think back to that night
It's hard for me not to ask why, why
So I just keep it all inside
So then I think about the next girl like me
She may never make it out the devestory
So I gots to try, while I got this fight

There was no flowers, candles
Didn't see no fireworks
He barely even knew my name
There was no pleasure, whatsoever
All I know is that it hurt me
And I wish that I could take it away
My first time, why did I ever have to feel that pain
Now I'm never gonna be the same
My first time, why, didn't have to go down that way
But I know I'm not the one to blame for that night
My first time