Change

(album: The Search - 2019)

Yeah, look
I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while, don't know how to put it down
Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though
I just wanna take it a hit, keep saying I'ma quit
Keep saying I'm a leave but I stay though
I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk
I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately I been thinking I might have to
Letting go of things that I'm attached to
World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood
You don't know what love is
Till you holding onto something that you can't lose
That's why I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, putting working in, tryna be better
I like to rap but I ain't gonna do it forever
Forget the charts, I'm refocusing on holding my head up
Moment I get up, I just wanna know I'm doing my best
And if I'm not, Lord forgive me, you can have the regrets
'Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head
Most of my life I always felt like I was holding my breath
Holding my chest, to be honest, so I'm tired of it
Looking for something in my life to be inspired again
I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is
But I know what it is, I just never wanna commit, running from (change)

I'm looking for (Change)
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for (Change)
I just want, I just want (Change)

Yeah, I don't like new things
Got a lot of mood swings
Oh you wanna tell me something negative?
I don't wanna hear what you think
Yeah, tossing in my sleep
Every night feel like two weeks
Thinking 'bout how I coulda done this or done that better
Can't help it that's just me (Lies)
That's just me avoiding the change
Yeah, it's prolly why the issues ain't going away
Yeah, it's prolly why I always sit around and complain
Telling myself that I ain't never getting out of this place
Outta my face, if you telling I need to be different
That's the issue though, I'm always insecurity driven
Taking the wrong turns, acting like I know where I'm headed
Waiting for something bad to happen
I could snap any minute, I need (Change)
Yeah it's kinda easy to say right?
But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life
And everyone around me kinda thinks I'm a great guy
But I don't ever think it, so I think I'm a fake, lying
(Change) It's something that I know I should do
I'm a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth
But to be honest with you lately I got nothing to lose
See, I've always been full of pain but now I'm making some room
Looking for (change)

I'm looking for (Change)
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for (Change)
I just want, I just want

I need a moment of silence
I don't like change but I'll try it
I don't want to hear what I should or I shouldn't do
Why are they always defiant?
See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don't want freedom to find me
Mention that name and everybody riots
That's why I'm checking my vitals
They keep on working but I know
Breathing don't mean you're alive, so
I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope
Positive thoughts are my rivals
I'm tryna be on their side though
Should I feel comfortable? I don't
Last year I felt suicidal
This year I might do something different like talking to God more

I'm looking for (Change)
I'm looking for
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I'm looking for
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I'm looking for
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)
I'm looking for
I'm searching for (Change)
I'm looking for
I just want, I just want (Change)