Hate Myself

(album: The Search - 2019)

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Late nights are the worst for me
They bring out the worst in me
Mind running, got me feeling like it hurts to think
If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it
Gotta be more for me
More than core beliefs, and every morning I wake up
And feel like I am not worth it 'cause I'm at war with peace
I go to Hell, welcome to the corpse of me
Look at the body like you ain't nothing but poor and weak
It's kinda weird, lately I've been feeling like the only way
For me to get away is if I poured a drink
That's more deceit, more defeat
Is this really what I'm born to be?
That's what you get for thinking you're unique
So poor but I'm so wealthy
Need help but you can't help me
What else can the world sell me? Tell me
Lies, I still buy 'em like they're going out of stock
But it's not healthy

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Yeah, late nights get the best of me
They know how to get to me
Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me
But I don't wanna die, I just wanna get relief
So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful
What is success when hope has left you?
I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record
Whose sick of doing interviews 'cause I hate myself, ah
Come across like it's so easy
But I feel like you don't need me
When I feel like you don't need me
Then I feel like you don't see me
And my life has no meaning, dreaming
Hands out, tryna ask for love
But when I get it I just pass it up
Throw it away and think about it later
Digging through the trash for drugs
I wish I could give you what you needed
But I can't I'm scared because

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

I walk through the ashes of my passions
Reminiscing with the baggage in my casket
Get lost in the questions I can't answer
Can't stand who I am but it don't matter
We scream to be free but I stay captured
Knee deep in defeat of my own actions
Feel weak but the peace that I keep lacking
Keeps speaking to me but I can't have it

But I can't have it
Keeps speaking to me but I can't have it
But I can't have it
Keeps speaking to me but I can't have it

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself

And I hate myself
It's kind of hard when I hate myself
I hate myself
It's hard when I hate myself