Trial By Fire

(album: Herald - 2021)

When did I realise I was absolved of
All the tensions between my eyes
At last my gaze cleared and I
Knew how right I was in fading you from my life
Obligated, habituated, how I hated
To be cooped up in my room, sleeping day to day with
You investing your time invading all my spaces
Telling me how my friends where lying, scheming nasty fakes

You know I turned to you
Over a decade how I turned to you
Your eyes saw clearly mine were murky
Blue and green and brown
Your lack of boundaries meant
My days of peace and love were few
You were raised surrounded by antagonists
I know I would have been the same if I lived the life you lived
But you just have to understand that I am not like him
Or not like her I am my own, I'm not a god damn kid

But some days a slight breeze or change of weather
Takes me back to the way things were
How I had suffered through a hot summer
40 degrees and I'm sweating
Lying down head spinning

Am I living?
Am I alive?
Am I breathing?
Can I survive?
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire

Am I dreaming?
Am I awake?
Am I sleeping?
Oh I'm so tired
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire

You don't handle things with grace
You throw your hands up to the sky and
Claim that life has failed you
And the reasoning behind your terrible disdain
I understand but does that ease my pain
No I don't think so
You've been selfish and a narcissist
Put on my favourite dress
You'll make me take it off again
I can't pretend
Like I'm living in joy and bliss
And if I'm honest
I can't go on like this

You know I turned to you
Over a decade I still turned to you
Your head was centred
Mine was split in two
I was renowned for making sound, being too loud
Well now I know it was not me but you

Am I living?
Am I alive?
Am I breathing?
Can I survive?
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire

Am I dreaming?
Am I awake?
Am I sleeping?
Oh I'm so tired
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire

Am I living?
Am I alive?
Am I breathing?
Can I survive?
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire

Am I dreaming?
Am I awake?
Am I sleeping?
Oh I'm so tired
It's a trial by fire
It's a trial by fire