Vagina Fart

(album: 100% Fresh - 2019)

Thank you. The vagina fart has been around a long time, girls. No problem. It's fun. The vagina fart, girls, I gotta say still gets you every time. Everybody. Every fellow here enjoys them so much. Just keep them coming, girls. It just provides entertainment in the bedroom. Guys do not say nothing about it. Guys will fucking ignore it every time. Just because, you know, if you comment on it, it's fucking over. You're getting up and leaving and that's it. So you're like, "Okay, whatever the fuck that was, let's keep... Let's keep going forward." I have been face-to-face with the vagina fart. I've been tagged pretty hard by my wife right there. I don't say shit. You know, I might go like, "Uh." I might give her one of those. Hey, now. But I always get right back in there and finish off when I started. You know, if my wife hits me with like four or five of them in a row, I might say, "I think you've got to do some fucking jumping jacks or some shit. You know, get a Q-Tip, fucking pop that... You got... Something's wrong. Something's going on with you. But when you come back, I'll fucking finish you good. I promise you. If it was reversed... let me just say... the girls would not be as sweet to us. If there was a dick fart, if there was such a... There's no dick fart, but if there was a dick fart... And it would be nothing. It's such a little hole. The sound would be nothing. Your vaginas literally are like acoustically fucking made to blast out a boomer. And... And we're just like, "All right, let's play it off like it didn't happen." With a dick fart, you'd be like... At the most, it would sound like... [soft whistling] And you'd be like, "Whoa, what the fuck is that?" [laughter] [soft whistling] "I'm nervous. I don't know. You don't think that's cute? It sounds like a little Disney character. [laughter] Cinderelly." "I'm leaving!" We'd have to play it off like it didn't happen. Like, "No, I think the tea's ready. [soft whistling] [laughter] [laughs]

My wife, one time, hit me in the face with a combo platter. She hit me with the vagina to the mouth... Up high. At the very same time, hit me in the neck with the other... the, uh... She came up high and down low at the very same time. I fucking don't know what happened. One time in 20 years. Just fucking bam, in the face, one in the neck. Fucking hit me hard, it was like the perfect storm. We don't know what she was eating that day, but whatever the fuck it was, she got me good. I've got to say, it literally felt like somebody opened the door on a fucking airplane. It was like, "Whoa!" [laughter] There was debris in the air and fucking... Other passengers were floating through my fucking room. [laughter] Oxygen masks dropped down. You know, I was... But I fucking took it like... I did wish someone else saw it. That was fucking incredible. And then I hear the ghost go, "I saw that shit. Oh, my God. It fucking blew the ruler out of my hand."