Masochist

(album: The Death Of Me - 2020)

This is a place I know too well
Been down here a while, if you can't tell
And I have analyzed and tried my best to justify
The sorrow I have brought upon myself

Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound?
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you

I thought I had this, I thought I had this all figured out
You'd think I'd learned from all the shit I fucking screamed about
When there was sun I couldn't see for the clouds
Still climbing the walls of this well just to dive back down
Until I reached my rock bottom
Down to the marrow, bringing up the bad blood I'd forgotten
Is it me that's making me sick?
Been burning both ends of the wick

Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound?
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you

I've got this cold black silhouette hanging like a marionette
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me
Your worst impressions were right about me
Your worst impressions were right

I could ask you to stay, if you're feeling forgiving
I could live with the guilt, if you call this living
I could try to memorize each grain of sand
As it slips through my fingers, and falls from my hands
It took me longer than I'd care to admit
This life is only what I choose to make of it
And the only thing standing in-between happiness and myself
Was this depression I held so close to my chest

Am I addicted to the misery, is this how I'll always be?
Grinding the salt into every wound?
Am I in love with all my ailments, glutton for punishment?
You can't trust me to be there for you

I've got this cold black silhouette hanging like a marionette
Casting a shadow, a shade over me
Just a sick, sad, sorry mess, living like a masochist
Your worst impressions were right about me

Wasting a waning youth
Waiting for something to help me pull through
I never saw the sun through the clouds
I lost faith when the skies were falling down