Xerox Xmas Letter

(album: Ray Stevens Christmas: Through A Different Window - 1997)

We got a Xerox Christmas letter
From the Sterling family
Seems things in Palm Springs
Are going swimmingly
Their daughters both married doctors
Their son was Yale's Man of the Year
Chip's business broke all records
Buffy's a Red Cross volunteer

We've been on their Xerox letter list
For twenty years or more
It's been that long, at least
Since the Sterlings lived next door
But this year my wife, Lurleen, said
As we were sweeping up the yard
"Let's us send a Xerox letter this year
Instead of a Christmas card!"

Howdy, y'all and Merry Christmas!

Well, we still live in the double-wide
But Bubba's added on
A bass-boat shed and a workshop
And new flamingos for the lawn
We took down the front yard tire swing
Now that Junior's in the pen
But it looks like a happy new year:
They moved him off death row again!

Xerox Christmas letters
Oh, nothing could be better
Than to hear from folks you hardly know
Bragging on all they have achieved
Xerox Christmas letters
Yeah, nothing we like better
We read them from the glow
Of our 2-foot aluminum tree

Our youngest is at the halfway house
Once again in the family way
This time the daddy lives beneath the bridge
On the old I-5 freeway
And this year we all took a whirlwind tour
But we didn't get too far
It happened when a twister touched down
In our trailer park

Xerox Christmas letters
Oh, nothing could be better
Than to hear from folks you hardly know
Bragging on all they have achieved
Xerox Christmas letters
Yeah, nothing we like better
We read them from the glow
Of our 2-foot aluminum tree