Taylor Swift Is Stalkin' Me

(album: Here We Go Again - 2015)

Ooh, I'll bet she's in the yard again, I'll have to call the cops
She follows me everywhere I go, I can't make her stop
I swear sometimes she's been inside my house when I've been gone
She's about to drive me crazy, hey! Let me tell ya what's going on

Taylor Swift is stalking me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalking me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah, she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go, you know, it's plain to see
(I betcha she's hidden a camera shooting pictures in 3D)
Taylor Swift is stalking me
Oh Lord

I told her, "I Knew You Were Trouble", after all you're just "22"
She said, "You Belong With Me" and "I'm Only Me When I'm With You"
I'm Writing Songs About You", she said and she even wrote "Our Song"
Then she turned "Mean" and said no one's as "Cold As You" when I told her I was moving on

And now Taylor Swift is stalking me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalking me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go, you know, it's plain to see
(I betcha she's planted a bug up under the rug that you can't see)
She's stalking me! Hey! Somebody! Help! Woaaaah

Ya know "This Is Really Happenin'", I'm being stalked by a "Super Star"
She said that our "Love Story" has put "Tears On Her Guitar"
Her face is all over my TV screen and on the cover of all my magazines
I see her everywhere I go, you know, this has gone too far

Taylor Swift is stalking me
(She's a little Lolita, she's a hussy, she's a tramp)
She's stalking me
(Makes Delilah look like a girl scout, yeah she's a vamp)
She's probably in the backyard now up in that tall pine tree
With a pair of night vision goggles focused right on me
I swear she's everywhere I go, you know, it's plain to see
(I betcha she's got a big hat pin and a voodoo doll of me)
You know, she's stalking me!

I know I'm a hunk, girls' been chasing me since "1989"
I can't help it if I'm a hottie, it's a curse
I told her "We Are Never Getting Back Together"
But she's not believing me
She'll "Jump Then Fall", text, Twitter and call
She just keeps on bothering me
I know nobody believes me but you just up in that pine tree
There she is with them goggles on
I tell you Taylor Swift is stalking me
What?
That's not her?
It's a what?
A hootie owl?
Hey, let me see them binoculars
Oh, well, who'd a thunk it
My bad!