A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Ralph's

(album: No Country For Old Musicians - 2013)

I'll forget if I don't tell you 'bout who I just met
Outside my window there's a walk of shame
The line, it just goes on forever

There's no way for me to sum it up in just one day
So much to tell you but I can't explain
'Cause everyone is oh so clever

Well, you could say I'm wrong
I never said I'm right
I'm gonna get new locks on my door tonight

Have you met my crazy fucking neighbors?
Popping and locking by the elevator
Next door either stripper or pro skater
It's oh so good in North Hollywood

Have you met my crazy fucking neighbors?
Popping and locking by the elevator
Girl upstairs is having sex or she's in labor
It's oh so good in North Hollywood

Well, I've been here too long and I just gotta say
If I was in better shape, I'd run so far away
'Cause if I stay, it will be the end of me

I think you all should know: the farmer's market sucks
Who buys shitty flowers for a hundred bucks?
And oh god, look, it's a candle guy

I just wanna go home
Please let me go home
(Get me the hell out of here)