Penitence

(album: Demos (Do Not Share), Vol. II - 2020)

Lately I think
I was over
Timing my chest
Beating slower
Like the clouds the
Color of them
Fading out
Fading out

Oh, the heavy
Heart I carry
Went over your head
And over mine

(Regret)
I counted the days she left like a prisoner
Etching markings on my skin with an old knife
Scratching (forget)
You see, I wanted the physical
Too much, the psychological
And yet, no matter how hard I dug
I still could not match that pain (regret)
I longed for reason, I sung with demons
I sat in a dark dusty room
Barely moving, breathing (forget)
I chewed through my own umbilical cord
Attached to her navel
I wanted to be separate

Ooh...
Oh, I think my mind is leaking
Ooh...
Solitude is so depleting

I did it to myself
I know that you are faithful
I did it for my health
How come I'm still unstable?
I've fallen far from heaven
A suicidal angel
Yes, lost my wings and fell
Feeling so ungraceful
Banished into hell

I wish that I could stop crying
But they say that the body is seventy percent water
I feel like I must've reduced mine by a considerable fractions
Newton's third theory states that for every action there must an equal and opposite counter-reaction
And so I retraced my steps
And tried to find reason in the arms of my demons
'Cause I can't find healing if I can't find meaning
A conundrum leaning on my dumb, numb feelings
Haven't used high beaming when I hung from the ceiling
When I run from demons that are living in my head
And escape fate and disapparate, evaporate, evacuate, and inactivate
Fake but it cut the breaks
Now I'm driving my universe in a lake and the weight
Weight of the world don't wait
We make mistakes when it's all at stake
For goodness sake, a double take
But I don't want to eat that cake
I ruminate inside meaning
To illuminate a dark mind
I communicate without speaking
And I've seen so much I went blind
I'm wide-eyed, live in a lie
Live in a lie with a lion inside
Live in a lie with a lion inside
Of my mind that is hungry, is hungry for my
Sanity, my sanity, I
Live in a lie with a lion inside
Live in a lie with a lion inside
Of my mind that is hungry and I don't know why
Pressure drop, deep breath, time stops
A broken et cetera, dot dot dot
Pressure drop, pressure drop, pressure drop
I feel it consuming, I can't stop
Dot dot dot, the lines join the dots
And I'm tying knots then divide then multiply
Square the root of pie, beat the puzzle, I
Try to keep my mind focused on the line
Hopscotch and pop rock
I take shots of teardrops
When I drop a pill pop
I find peace and time stops