These Drugs

(album: The Yearbook - 2021)

I don't wanna do drugs anymore
If you saw me through the eyes of a bathroom stall
Your skin would crawl
I'm high
But I am not a sycophant for a good time
I only wanted to escape my mind
For one night, know what happiness feels like
But the nightmare I'm ignoring is darker in the morning

It's a band-aid on a broken arm
It's a siren sounding out alarm
A fucked-up version of self-harm
And it's louder than a cry for help
When I destroy my mental health
Because I don't respect myself

Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is cry
Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is cry

I don't wanna go to bed alone
So I let another stranger take me home
I drink to numb the pain
And you would do it too if you were sharing my brain
Everybody that I love gets hurt
And I'm learning to believe that I just deserve
The demons I'm ignoring
And the regret in the morning

It's a fucking domino effect
A prison cell inside my head
A trauma that I can't forget
And it's louder than a cry for help
When I destroy my mental health
Because I fucking hate myself

Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is cry
Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever

Damned if I do and bored if I don't
And I should get clean again but I won't
I told you that I don't need help
Because I lie to myself
I'm damned if I do and bored if I don't
And I should get clean again but I won't
I wanna be someone else
Because I'm scared of myself
Sometimes I'm scared of myself

Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is cry
Every time I take these drugs to pick me up
All I ever do is
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever
Cry, cry
I only ever cry