Jared The Footlong Lover

(album: Everything Is Racist - 2016)

Hey there little kids, my name's Jared, I'm a friend!
Can I eat a sandwich with you?
How 'bout a footlong? Wheat or white? What kinda bread?
Help me squeeze the mayo out this tube

Got my mind on your body, and your body's only 9.
Have a taste of my Terikyaki sauce, you wanna try?

Don't tell your mother
Kiss the cucumber
It's time for supper...
I'm the footlong lover!

5... 5 dollar... 5 dollar foot dong!
Put me down, you scream and start to cry
Don't be scared, just have a little bite!
I'm Jared, I'm the Subway guy... let's do a line!

I'm the footlong lover!

Guess how many kids I can fit, in these pants!
Have you had the meatballs they're... good
Yes I like my subs like I like, my women:
I like them 6 and 12, yeah!

Got my mind on your body, and your body's only 9
Add some chips and a drink for just $1.99!

Go get your brother
I got a boner
Would you like that toasted?
I'm the footlong lover!

5... 5 dollar... 5 dollar foot dong!
Take a bath with me, and close the blinds
Here's some ranch, you got it in your eye!
I tuck my shirt in all the time... now you know why!

I'm the footlong lover!
5... 5 dollar...
I'm the footlong lover!
5 dollar foot dong!

Shhh... I got a boner. Uh, I would a Kids Meal, with extra kids

Got my mind on your body, and your body's only 9

C'mon. Even Michael Jackson got three second-chances!

Have a taste of my minisub, it turns into a grinder!

How 'bout if I go through your Craigslist history? Wanna know what my favorite sub is? Turkey Ham!

Eat this double meaty yummy sub
Tell your parents that you played outside
Chicken's still in the microwave... each fucking time!
I'm the footlong lover!

Turkey Ham
I'm the footlong lover!
I, like kids, is that fucking crime?
No please, don't fucking start to cry... or you will die!
I'm the footlong lover!

5... 5 dollar... 5 dollar foot dong!
I'm the footlong lover!