A Smugglers Song

(album: Saints Preserve Us - 2018)

On the first of January, our Johnnie kissed his Mary
While Mary squeezed her Johnnies hand they watched the sky explode
By the turn of February our Johnnie missed his Mary
Oh and Mary sings "it breaks my heart to see my Johnnie go..."

But He's off tae cairt the hookey, ask me nowt ye'll get no lie
18 wheeler, dodgy dealer, tested, tried & true
Aw keep yer hameldaeme, my Johnnie is my treacle pie
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through

Chanel's number 4 & 6, knock-off watches caps and kicks
Pocket tazers, folding razors, all manner o' hell
Chinese crackers, party poppers, wads o' bills to fix the coppers
Dodgy fags and Gucci bags, yer pals'd never tell

He's off tae cairt the hookey, ask me nowt ye'll get no lie
18 wheeler, dodgy dealer, tested, tried & true
Aw keep yer hameldaeme, my Johnnie is my treacle pie
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through

Polish vodka, bootleg whisky, bathtub gin and slabs o' Tyskie
Potions, draps and poisons for t' give ye back yer glow
Fun for all the lonely laddies, racy mags and plastic ladies
Creams and gels and magic pills t' make yer pecker grow

He's off tae cairt the hookey, ask me nowt ye'll get no lie
18 wheeler, dodgy dealer, tested, tried & true
Aw keep yer hameldaeme, my Johnnie is my treacle pie
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through

18 carat plated copper, arsenic for yer hubby's cuppa
Turkish wigs and wooden legs all hung up in a row
Screw your tariffs, dues and taxes, up the peddlers, hawks and poachers
God go with ye Johnnie boy and see ye safely home

He's off tae cairt the hookey, ask me nowt ye'll get no lie
18 wheeler, dodgy dealer, tested, tried & true
Aw keep yer hameldaeme, my Johnnie is my treacle pie
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through
Watch the wall my darling while his rig goes rolling through