Hold Me Down

(album: Sword & Sorcery - 2023)

It'll only take a second
But seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into sessions
I'm losing myself to time and a myriad of obsessions
Know the pen can be my solace, but fear makes it a weapon
'Cause I feel I'm losing presence, I can't focus on the now
I can't act like all my brethren, I'm not known to buckle down
Search for answers for my questions, and I'm hoping that it's found
I had people getting mad at me for floating in the clouds
I been thinking way too loud, but I'd never think it through
Only started on this song 'cause I got other work to do
Every other task is catching my attention like it's breaking news
I been acting panicked, but still chilling in the waiting room
I'm sick and tired always living in this way
I've been trying to be gentle, but I'm filling it with hate
I don't feel like I'm a person, just an image in my brain
All my traits I thought were special are just symptoms on display

My mind is racing
I can't stop to slow it down
My fate impatience
I've been racked with sober doubt, hold me down

Same shock, could never get ready
Thank God, you're holding me steady
I thought a mile in my mind
To gather my time and stopping my headache
Yeah, I'm frozen in space
All over the place
I need someone to just
Hold me down

Cutting off distractions like a hydra, they keep coming back
Unhealthy forms of coping treat my brain like it's a punching bag
Mind is a controller that came equipped with a rumble pack
I'm surprised that all my Patreons don't want their money back
I've always thought that I was lazy
I've been handling a rusty car like driving a Mercedes
'Cause I'm driven, but I'm always backed up caught up in a daydream
I've been pedaling so hard, but I forgotten where the chain be
I've been loving running DND, but hate it when I'm playing
Sick of all the waiting, want them to listen to what I'm saying
I be so self-centered, I'm sick of the celebrating
I ain't sitting still, I'm moving up and down the station pacing
Or I'm paralyzed, brain is yelling, body won't cooperate
Embarrassed by my symptoms and this shit I'm leaving on display
Every thought gon' block the way, I'm useless in the modern day
Feel guilty for my friends and all the shit they gotta tolerate

Same shock, could never get rid of it
Thank God, you're holding me steady
I thought a mile in my mind
To gather my time and stopping my headache
Yeah, I'm frozen in space
All over the place
I need someone to just
Hold me down

My parents told me it's a blessing, it's part of the reason I'm good at this
But there's a big list I'm forgetting, they're wanting something I couldn't give
I know there are ways to address it, I'm scared it will change who I am
I'm scared it will change who I am, I know I wanna be happy, but I'm still a coward, so I will just do what I can

My mind is racing
I can't stop to slow it down
My fate impatience
I've been rocked with sober doubt, hold me down

Same shock, could never get ready
Thank God, you're holding me steady
I thought a mile in my mind
To gather my time and stopping my headache
Yeah, I'm frozen in space (I can not slow it down, I can not move)
All over the place (I can not hold it down, I can not choose)
I need someone to just (I can not slow it down, I can not move)
Hold me down (I can not win, but I will not lose)