The Real Party Song (Remix)

(album: Shut Up! And Listen - 2015)

This is gonna be the greatest night
Inviting our friends and we're doing it right
We'll host the best parties, it'll be so cool
Wanna party with us? You better follow the rules
(R-r-real party)

When you plan a party, man, you gotta be smart
Duct tape your fridge and hide the fragiles at the start
Take a look so your Facebook invite is on point
'Cause you don't want douchey dudes all rude in the joint
Slip off your shoes when you slide in the door
'Cause we don't want dog poo all over the floor
And you better bring your own beer
'Cause we're not freaking rich
Just look at our chair, it's made of popsicle sticks

This is gonna be the greatest night
We replaced all the booze with Diet Sprite
Make sure all the dudes are peeing sitting down
No need for pee stains all over the ground

(That's a real party, r-r-real party, y'all)
(That's a-, that's a real party, real party)

Now the party's popping, gotta get more strict
What the hell did we say, dude? No dicks!
Beer pong's for flipping fools, that ball is fricking dirty
You'll die from meningitis way before you're even thirty
Who's that creeper creeping in the corner with Fido?
Get away from Fido, you freaky albino
Only use one square of TP, 'cause we ain't made of cash
Just look at our stripper, she has a flat ass

This is gonna be the greatest night
No spills on the rug, everybody's polite
Kicking everyone out of our house by 10
If this party goes well, we might do it again

(That's a real party, r-r-real party, y'all)
(That's a-, that's a real party, real party)

People still partying? Man, it's 10:13
Get the fuck out my house, if you know what I mean
Stop banging on my bed and don't jack my socks
Gotta rise at five, serve fries at Jack in the Box
Who got the pesto on my remote control?
My rage meter's rising and about to reach full
And who the fuck threw this garbage in the recycling bin?
I'm gonna kill you motherfuckers if you do it again
Parties aren't the place to drink booze and get laid
If at the end we gotta clean up and be maids
Parties aren't the place for taking selfies, that's dumb
If you wanted that, you should've thrown your own one
Parties aren't the place where we spend a lot of money
Can't afford a doctor and my stools are hecka bloody
Whaaaa?

This totally was the greatest night
In bed by 10:30 and turned out the lights
Called the cops on the party, beat the women and men
Can't wait to have another bomb-ass party again

(That's a real party, r-r-real party, y'all)
(That's a-, that's a real party, real party)