Straight Into The Sun

(album: Calamity - 2020)

Am I a bad person?
I wrestle with that question
Negative attention try to teach me a lesson
Thinking I'm important
But I am just an object, ridicule and conflict
The constant common dialect
That dejects and intersects my self respect
I know I'm my own architect
It's difficult I'm so cynical
Try to follow the pack but can't be critical
'Cause it's all he said she said
Find a way to see red
If it's up to them I'd probably be dead
Fed a steady diet of malevolence and hatred
I'm jaded but if I really love myself
Why do I really want to l kill myself

It's 'cause I feel like I'm not enough
Stuff me in a coffin my hands in cuffs
I can't reach out cause I'm feeling stuck
Can you call my bluff? I just want to feel enough

And they ask can they get another shout out?
Tear me to pieces
What's a synonym for sellout? it's never enough
Always waiting on that blowout
All I'm trying to do is wipe away all this crippling doubt
I need to breathe

'Cause I don't know who I'm trying to impress
Myself
I couldn't settle for any less
I guess
'Cause if I am a human and I am the villain
But if I am the monster then I guess I should die then

So you win
Set me free

It's 'cause I feel like I'm not enough
Stuff me in a coffin my hands in cuffs
I can't reach out cause I'm feeling stuck
Can you call my bluff? I just want to feel enough
(Is that too much?)

I've been feeling pretty low
Busy reaping what I've sown
Tiptoeing friends I used to know
But what do I actually owe
More than the white flag I have thrown
I'll never make it out on my own
If there is a god its done answering me
So violently I've rejected to see
If there's more to life than my futility
I will remove the monotony I refuse to be a copy

Did I fly too close to the sun?
Where is everyone?
Straight into the sun
Where is everyone?
This isn't fun anymore