The Thangs I Carry

(album: Diaspora Problems - 2022)

I'll stand up to my mistrust, and treating touch as love, and missing so much more as such
Then my expressions come out hushed
If that's you too, hands up, I'm tryna see sum'
You can't call what gets put up with love
When that shit ain't more than manipulating trust
You can't call with what they put up with love
If that's you too, hands up, I'm tryna see sum'

Give these niggas everything they want
And still not recognize blessings as such
Give these niggas what they don't know they need
And still somehow we don't feel seen

Though you have a fearless side
At times something irrational seems to interfere with your perceptions
Altering how you see things

Give these niggas everything we want
As we do the world in the ways we're afraid of
Give these niggas what we don't know we need
And still my pattern tells me

Perhaps you've been shamed or ridiculed for speaking for yourself
Or maybe you just can't place your fears
Which feels unnerving
To others, you could seem cautious or hesitant to express yourself
You end up shutting yourself down

Someone
Else's
Love can't be my reason to live

Give these niggas everything we want
And still not recognize blessings as such
Give these niggas what we don't know we need
And still my pattern tells me
How I take everything personally isn't worth explaining, man, it's fucking embarrassing
Treatments named love to me, palm prints placed on my face forcefully
I can feel them still between my inner cheek and my teeth
In my memories I feel them straddling me while I sleep
I've tried to remove myself, it'd kill this in me at least
Simultaneously there's everything I've always carried
I subpoena people that I've hurt to then comfort me
Why should they come back to me?
I'm on the edge of my seat
It's my potential as progress now
Why should they feel differently?