The Boy Considers His Haircut

(album: Schmaltz - 2018)

My dad says that I'd probably have more fans
If I could learn to sing about some happier shit
Instead of wallowing in my shortcomings
My gross insecurities, be less narcissistic
Maybe show some humility

My mom sighs "wow" from under her breath
She wonders how the hell I can live like this
My shelf life, it expired months ago
But I keep tricking the ones
I claim to love into these situations

Like I'm walking backwards, these wasted years
I'm walking backwards, these wasted years
And still nobody knows my name
My shitty songs, or my chubby face
I want to know how to be okay
Do the things that people do to find a home in the end

'Cause I've lived my whole life so afraid of getting hurt
That I've never really been hurt
And the best I can hope is to zone out in a room
Full of people that I don't know
On a hospital bed, is that too obvious?
I can say I want to heal, I can say I want to change
But really

Well, I want to wake up and maybe be better
I want to come through and not be second guessed
I want to find the money to fix my nose
And learn to breathe without pacing
I don't want to be depressed
I want to find a haircut that fits me
That hasn't been co-opted by Nazis
I'll settle for some rest, I want to move on
I want to feel more important
I'm trying to be fine
I swear I'm trying to be my best

Well, I want to wake up and maybe be better
I want to come through and not be second guessed
I want to find the money to fix my nose
And learn to sing without pacing
I don't want to be depressed
I want to find a haircut that fits me
That hasn't been stolen by Nazis
I'll settle for some rest, I want to move on
I want to feel more important
I'm trying to be fine
I swear I'm trying to be my best

I'm walking backwards, these wasted years
I'm walking backwards, these wasted years
And still nobody knows my name
My shitty songs, or my chubby face
I want to know how to be okay
Do the things that people do to find a home in the end