Routine Pain

(album: Brave Faces Everyone - 2020)

On any given day I'm a 6 of 10
Bed to desk to bar eyes on the floor
Still apologizing for the way I've been
Each breath more full of shit than the one before

Yeah I know the negative consumes me
Guess I'm alright
Let the guilt pass right through me
While my friends are taking dives
Off of cliffs and I just worry
About the songs I'll never write
It don't matter –
They don't want to hear me on the other side

So let me ruin my guts tonight
Just let me ruin my guts tonight

On any given day it hurts to stand up straight
Erasing the same message from my phone
Reaching out to friends who probably think that I am dead
I should want to go home but I won't

These past four months I've been so angry
I'm not alright
Can you please come look right through me
And try to give a reason why?
I don't know you or why you'd care
But the devil's loose inside
And I'm so sick of saying sorry when I cry

So let me ruin my guts tonight
Just let me ruin my guts tonight
You can haunt me 'til the world ends
And we melt in the sunlight
Just let me ruin my guts tonight

On any given day I'm out to break your heart
On any day you'll bleed me my self-worth
I'm done asking what's the point
Of finishing the things we start
When we've got ten years with these bodies
And maybe twenty on this Earth

But you said
"We can't take another summer in this place
Everyone in this bar is the same
Everywhere I look, it's just routine pain
I'm so sick of treading water."

"Am I gonna be this down forever?
Am I gonna be this dumb forever?
Am I gonna be this gone forever?
Am I gonna be this numb forever?"

Have you ever felt lower than everyone else?
I'm feeling lower than anyone else
If everything's lower than everything else
I want to see how much lower I can go

Have you ever felt lower than everyone else?
Well I'm feeling lower than anyone else
If everything's lower than everything else
I want to see how much lower we can go
How much lower we can go