I'm Awesome

(album: We Smoked It All - 2009)

Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome
I don't necessarily need to be here for this
I'm gonna keep the headphones though

Motherfucker I'm awesome!
No you're not dude, don't lie
I'm awesome!
I'm driving around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome!
A quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends on-line
Motherfucker I'm awesome!
I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome!
There's no voice mail, nobody called
I'm awesome!
I can't afford to buy eight balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

You know my pants sag low (low)
Even though (though) that went out of style
Like ten years ago (go)
Spose, I got the swagger of a cripple
I got little biceps getting fatter in the middle
And lyrically I'm not the best
Physically the opposite of Randy Moss and yet
So preposterous feel the awesomeness
The most obnoxious guest up at the sausage fest
Oh yes!
The girls are repulsed so I hide in my hood like I'm joining a cult
Uh uh
I'm as nervous as my cat Ol' Dirty Curtis
All my writtens are bitten and all my verses are purchased
Me? I'll never date an actress
Got too many back zits
Plus my whole home aroma is cat piss
Every show I do is poorly promoted
And if you like this it's cause my little sister wrote it

I'm awesome!
No you're not dude, don't lie
I'm awesome!
I'm driving around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome!
A quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends on-line
Motherfucker I'm awesome!
I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome!
There's no voice mail, nobody called
I'm awesome!
I can't afford to buy eight balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall
I'm awesome!

(Swagger of a cripple)

Check it out
I'm from Maine and I don't hunt (nope) and I can't ski
Smoke weed but I can't roll blunts
Find me whipped my wifey
My neck not icy
Eating at McDonald's because Subway is pricey

Uh and my unibrow is plucked
Just ask my mom if I could borrow ten bucks
She's like "for what? blunt wraps and some Heinekens?
You skinny prick, go get a gym membership and vitamins"
I'm like mom, please don't blame it on me
I got my bad habits from you, dad and Aunt Steve
My attitudes sour but my futon's sweet
And the hair on my ass it is Jumanji

Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift
Can't tweet up on my Twitter
Cause I haven't done shit
Bank account red, body ungroomed
Only thing good about me is I'm off stage soon

I'm awesome!
No you're not dude, don't lie
I'm awesome!
I'm driving around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome!
A quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends on-line
Motherfucker I'm awesome!
I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome!
There's no voice mail, nobody called
I'm awesome!
I can't afford to buy eight balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall
I'm awesome!

(Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift)

Further more I'm cornier than ethanol
Cheesier than provolone
I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home
With an ego the size of Tim Duncan
Even though I got shit for brains like a Blumpkin
I'm twenty four serving lobster rolls
Because I spent a decade filling Optimos
And I'm not even the bomb in Maine on my game
I'm only about as sexy as John McCain
Now put your hands up
If you have nightmares
If you wouldn't man up
If there was a fight here
If you got dandruff
If you drink light beer
I'm out of breath...

But I'm awesome!
No you're not dude, don't lie
I'm awesome!
I'm driving around in my mom's ride
I'm awesome!
A quarter of my life gone by
And I met all my friends on-line
Motherfucker I'm awesome!
I will run away from a brawl
I'm awesome!
There's no voice mail, nobody called
I'm awesome!
I can't afford to buy eight balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall
I'm awesome!