It's Dangerous To Go Alone

(album: Starbomb - 2013)

[Ego of Time:]
Hey
Hey
Alright
Yeah
Aww yeah

My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force o' good since 1986, old school
I'm bringing you a laid-back summertime jam

[Old Man:]
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link:]
Hey, what's up old man?

[Old Man:]
I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

[Link:]
Oh, thanks Old Man, that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh God, that's not a sword! It's your dick in disguise

[Old Man:]
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny if you know what I mean
Wait a minute Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going?
This is a great chance to fondle a scrotum that you're blowing

[Link:]
That. Was. Weird, but whatever there is no time to lose
I gotta warp on outta Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait, this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia but even more shitty
I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly there is justice to do

[Old Man:]
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link:]
Old Man, is that you?

[Old Man:]
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

[Link:]
Well that's really kind o D'aaah! That's your wrinkled dick again
Look, I know I wear a tunic but I'm not into men

[Old Man:]
Don't be that way bitch let me introduce you
To my three best friends Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
If you see the Princess Zelda, well you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo jabber

[Link:]
OH MY God!
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am

[Old Man:]
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link:]
God DAMN it, Old Man!

[Old Man:]
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take

[Link:]
NO!
Fuck you!
Fuck you, I'm not giving you a
Not touching your we
Stop the chilled out groove!
Jeez!
You come in here telling me you got a weewee weapon
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna splllllNO!

[Old Man:]
So is that a "No" on the handjob or...? Okay.