Memorial

(album: Ma - 2019)

I wish you had been at your memorial
Seeing someone proposing on stage
I couldn't get through my song for you
When it came to saying your name
I can still see the room at the hospital
Pretty painted tile
I can still see your skin turning purple
Milly of the Nile

Can you hear me?
Did you mean it?
Did you plan it out,
Or was it an accident?

Time, time, up and down the blue screen
It's dawn and I'm insane
Love's just a word and not what the word means
But I'll say it just the same
Talking to an entity
Made of endless night
I dream in TV dialogue
A world of shadow and light

I know it don't work that way
But maybe you'll come back someday
I know it don't work like that
But maybe you can take it back

Now that there's no need to say a word
Can I still make amends?
But silence — the only kindness I heard
Forgiveness — the only revenge
Meeting all of the people
I've heard of from your past
Reading through all of your letters
Looking for your love

You told me that love
Is when someone asks you
"Please leave me alone"
And you really do
You looked into my eyes
Till I was your mother and son
I tried to look away
But saw you in every one

I wish you had been at your memorial
Seeing someone proposing on stage