This Is Not Possible

(album: This Is My Dinner - 2018)

Is it possible that the city of Berlin doesn't have rhythm?
This is not possible

If you're traveling with the band and you get to Frankfurt
And there's an icy feeling there and your feelings can get hurt
We got to the venue and asked, "Is there any equipment in here?"
They said, "No, this is not possible"
We said, "Well, it's cold outside and it's raining cats and dogs
Can we at least come inside and eat a Frankfurter hot dog?
Is this at all remotely plausible?"
They said to us, "No, this is not possible"
We said, "Well, we need to practice, and if you've just met
We need to get to know each other, and it's cold outside and wet"
Then they said, "Hey, we're not your promoters, he's on vacation
I'm a bartender, he's a bouncer in the merch trail
Let's stop at the train station"
We said, "We can roll with this
But can you please be the slightliest bit hospitable?"
They said, "What do you mean, 'roll with this'?
Are you from California, dude?"
We said, "No, we were just wondering
If you could be slightly more affable?"
And they said, "No, this is not possible"
I said, "Fuck you guys, this has been a waste"
And I headed out of that dreary-ass place

But may I suggest a place when you're jet-lagged as hell?
It's twenty minutes outside of Frankfurt
It's called the Romantik Hotel Schloss Rettershof
The Romantik Hotel Schloss Rettershof, in Schloss Rettershof
There are goats and sheeps and horses outside
And the lady at the desk is very polite
We said, "We know we're here early but can we possibly
Get into our rooms early, if it's not too troubling?"
And she said, "Yes, this is possible"
We went to lunch and the waiter brings three type of salts
And he politely and eloquently describes them all
I said, "Can I possible get a decaffeinated coffee with cream?"
He said, "Americano or espresso or latte, what do you mean?"
I said, "No, I just mean a decaffeinated coffee with cream"
And he said, "Yes, this is possible"
I went to bed, and I slept past 9 PM
The front desk said, "Sorry, you missed your dinner, sleepy man"
I said, "I traveled a long way from the USA
Could you check with your kitchen and see what they say?"
The kitchen guy came out and said, "I remember you from earlier
You're the guy who likes the tagliatelle"
I said, "Yeah, that's me, I liked the tagliatelle
May I please order it again?"
The chef said, "Yes, this is possible"

I woke up two hours late and my band members sounded mildly hostile
I said, "I know we gotta get to the road to Holland
But I'm hungry, do you mind if I eat as quick as possible?"
They said, "Sure, but we're late, but your request is totally reasonable"
So they said, "Mark, yes this is possible"
I asked a waiter, "Can I please get a glass of water?"
And he said, "Perhaps a sparkling or a still in a large glass bottle?"
I said, "Sparkling please, if it's not too much trouble"
And he said, "Of course not, yes this is possible"
And when we arrived in Utrecht, the hotel was delightful
Not like the one in Frankfurt, a fucking youth hostel
I said, "Can I please get a few extra blankets, maybe a pillow?"
And the Dutch woman said, "Yes, this is possible"
And late at night we went on a hunt for food
The place had many things to choose from
Burgers and shawarmas and falafels
I said, "Can I possibly get fries and a falafel?"
And the man said, "Yes, this is possible"
And then after I ate my falafel my stomach felt awful
I asked the lady at the front desk if she had some Pepto-Bismol
She said, "We have the Dutch version and it tastes very awful"
I said, "Can I have some, please?"
And she said, "Yes, this is possible"
As they say, "When in Holland, do the Dutch"
So I went to the whorehouse to feel a woman's touch
I said, "Can I buy your time for an hour, if it's not too much trouble?"
And she said, "Yes, this is possible"
But in the city of Rettershof right outside of Frankfurt

So the moral of the story is that in the country of Holland
Whatever they ask for, they say "Yes, it's possible"
But in the city of Frankfurt, they say "This is not possible"
But in the city of Rettershof right outside of Frankfurt
There is a peaceful hotel that is amiable and comfortable
I recommend it highly, take your girlfriend there for a week
It's dreamlike and magical and serene and quaint
Now if Germany calls and says "Hey, would you like to play a festival?"
I'd say, "Sure, if you could put my band in the Romantik Hotel"
But if Germany says, "This is not possible"
I'm gonna say, "Fuck you guys, this is not possible"
But if they ask me to see if I want to play in Berlin again
I'll say, "Yes, this is possible"
Is it possible that Berlin is my favorite Lou Reed album?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that the band Berlin wrote a song called "Sex"
That gave me a raging boner when I was 18?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that my favorite meal is chicken and waffles?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that my favorite Jonathan Richman song is called "Hospital"?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that my favorite movie is Mission: Impossible?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that J.D. Salinger wrote my very favorite novel?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that I'm having a good time, singing for you in Berlin tonight?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that this is going to be on YouTube, three hours from now?
Yes, this is possible
Is it possible that despite all the negative press on me
I'm actually a very nice guy?
Yes, this is possible