I'm The Greatest Star

(album: Funny Girl - 1964)

[Fanny waits for Eddie to come out of the theatre and tries to explain that she doesn't fit into the chorus because she's got star potential]

[Fanny:]
Listen
I've got thirty-six expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions more
Than all them Barrymores put together
Instead of just kicking me
Why don't they give me a lift?
It must be a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got
Such a gift-well, I'm miffed-'cause
I'm the greatest star
I am by far, but no one knows it!
Wait, they're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute-ah hah, ah hah
They'll cheer each toot (Hey! I hear she's terrific)
When I expose it
Now, can't you see to look at me
That I'm a natural Camille?
As Camille I just feel
I've so much to offer
Listen kid, I know I'd be divine because
I'm a natural cougher
[Coughs]
Some ain't got it-not a lump
I'm a great big clump of talent!
Laugh
They'll bend in half
(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?)
A thousand jokes
Stick around for the jokes
A thousand faces
I reiterate
When you're gifted
Then you're gifted
These are facts-I got no axe to grind
Hey, what are they-blind?
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star
Who is the pip with piz-azz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?
Who's an American Beauty rose
With an American Beauty nose
And ten American Beauty toes
Eyes on the target, and wham
One shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey, Mr. Keaney, here I am!
I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But no one knows it!
That's why I was born
I'll blow my horn
Till someone blows it!
I'll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I'll flicker, then flare up
All the world's gonna stare up
Looking down
You'll never see me
Try the sky
'Cause that'll be me
I can make 'em cry
I can make 'em sigh
Someday they'll clamor
For my dram-er
Have you guessed yet
Who's the best yet?
If you ain't I'll tell you one more time
You bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest, greatest star!