Cornet Man

(album: Funny Girl - 1964)

[Fanny convinces Eddie she has talent and he agrees to teach her the specialty for the next audition. She gets the job.]

[Fanny:]
Well
I just put the kids to sleep
And swept the shack,
Took my sweet man's satchel down
And watched him pack,
I said, "Darling, while the stove still smolders,
Unpin your woman's hair and rub her shoulders."
I threw myself across the doorway
Begging, "Stay, sweet man, stay,"
But there's more in my man's life
Than this old hag.
It's Jelly Roll Morton, and a shiny cornet,
And jazzing the rag!
The lady ain't been born
Can take the place of a horn,
With a cornet man.
A-going where there's blowing,
Trav'ling cornet man.
Just anytime they call him
He'll leave his wife and kiddies
Sitting with their tongues out
To play for peanuts in a dive
And blow his lungs out.
He'll hop a choo-choo on a moment's notice
To play some dates with Billy Bates
Or Rag-time Otis!
The lady ain't see light
Can give a horn a fair fight
With a cornet man
A rooting, shooting, ever-tooting Dapper Dan
Who carries in his satchel
A powder-blue Norfolk suit,
A silver-plated wah-wah mute,
There is whiskey, gamblin'--each one is a curse,
But I'm up against a devil that's worse.
Yes, a horn is my thorn,
My trav'ling cornet man!
Kill yourself! Tell me about it! Yeah! Yeah!

A powder-blue Norfolk suit,
I said a silver-plated wah-wah mute,
Oh, he's shy on height,
He's short on weight,
But he's the only man can make my coffee perculate,
A Dapper Dan,
My cornet-playing man.

After the performance, Nick Arnstein comes backstage,
elegant in formal dress, to pay off a gambling debt to Keeney.
Nick has seen the show and tells Fanny she's going to be a
big star some day. Fanny asks how much Keeney is paying her,
and Nick manages to jack up her salary by pretending to bid on
behalf of a competitor. He gives her his card and kisses her hand.
Eddie asks Fanny out for a date, but she only wants to be friends;
already she has fallen for Nick, but imagines she'll never see him
again.