Family Functions

(album: that dog. - 1993)

Now that you are my most special one,
And you know we've already gone to the prom,
Won't you come with me to family functions?
Won't you be the one that I've got on my arm?
It's not every boy who brings me broken arrows.
It's not every boy who brings me bottled rain.
Won't you come with me to family functions?
You will see then that I'm not really to blame.
Grandpa Earl runs his own kosher fish store,
Uncle Max was in the Mob.
Cousin Lester married a shiksa,
Crazy Aunt Ingas can't find a job.
Ingas, oh pingas, you're my favorite.
Great Grandpa Joey choked on a prune.
Cute little Bunny, all in her party dress.
Uncle Tony, she's a bride in June.
"He's a nice Jewish boy," they will say,
But the truth is that I knew it all along.
Won't you come with me to family functions?
You had better, 'cause I wrote you this damn song.