Happiness

(album: Eraser Shavings - 2016)

Ripped jacket with the stains on the surface
He was the kid that everyone was happy they weren't
Sitting alone invisible to every passing person
Wondering what it would feel like to have a purpose
He never had a childhood
Forced to parent his own parents like no child should
His father is a veteran drowning his memories with liquor
And his mother's taking pills that doctors give her but they only make her sicker
With no sibling to walk through this stuff
No ends, no money, no friends, no buddies, he ain't talking enough
He don't put himself out there, he's awkward too much
Well, who in his life would he learn confidence from?
And he sits behind me in class
One day I heard crying from the back
Finally I turned around and I asked
What was wrong
And the first time I heard his voice
He said "all I know is pain, if this is life, what's the point?
Show me what happiness is...

His voice gloomy he looked through me he said
Show me where happinesses is
Desperateness on his face
I didn't know what to say
I couldn't think
Show me where happinesses is
He put his head down
And he didn't make a sound
Show me where happinesses is
And I just froze
Like I don't even know...

Perfect makeup even though she don't need the extra touch
She was the girl that every other girl was jealous of
Silky hair, blue eyes, thin body with
Curves, but her new clothes only cover parts of it
She's almost looked at like a goddess to all
Attracts every pair of eyes when she walks through the hall
But she's likable too, she's not the one to gossip
Evident when you talk to her, she ain't ever pompous
Wealthy home filled with knowledge and newness
She was the youngest out of 3 book smart students
And her parents were so proud, pride was all around her
But I always noticed something was a little off about her
She sits in front of me in class
One day I noticed heavy make up on her wrist when she passed papers back
After class, I approached her and I asked about it
She said it don't mean I have it if I'm around it
Show me where happiness is...

I looked into her eyes
I saw her for the first time
Show me where happiness is
I saw regret
She walked away in a sec
Her voice rang through my head
Show me where happiness is
I watched her walk away
She became another face
What she say?
Show me where happiness is
And I just froze
Like I don't even know

I don't know because I ask myself the same thing every single day
But every single answer has been vague
How come some appreciate the sun after the rain
While others just see the puddles as if nothing has changed?
And as I watch people living the life I couldn't take, I wonder if they see a way out to mentally
And as I watch people who live the life I idolize, I wonder what they feel and what isn't seen
As I watch my whole family take pills for depression I wonder what true happiness really means
I wonder if because I'm genetically predisposed to it, that is the reason I find myself feeling weak
Only sometimes, in and out
I guess it's scarier when you don't have a reason to be feeling down
Sometimes I just am
Sometimes I just feel no one will ever understand
Sometimes I wanna cry
Sometimes I want to crush my family's so-called medication look in their eyes
And tell them they don't need it as long we just have each other
But then sometimes I watch them suffer
I just wonder where happiness is

Show me where happiness is